Monday, 29 September 2008

Monday makeout music

I love lists, music and making out and since this is not a (really corny) personal ad, here's my my top five of makeout songs. On number five we have the man of many names who makes plenty of randy music but this song is just extra hot.

5. Prince - Black Sweat
On four it's the obvious choice, but the fact that the artists himself almost couldn't control his 'urges' during the making of this video proves it's a justifiable choice.

4. Chris Isaak - Wicked Game
On three it's a song that simply oozes coolness.

3. Faith No More - Evidence
The runner up and only female vocalist on my list is the brooding;

2. Portishead - Glory Box
My first choice of makeout song is not only positively smokin' but also aptly named.

1. Queens of the Stone Age - Make it wit chu
There you have it, the five songs that literally tickle my fancy. 'Are You In' by Incubus would have made this list, but they won't let me embed the video, which is half the fun.

Random post, also hangover recipe!

I'm usually not one to go all Bridget Jones on your collective butts, but let me just share my sunday results with you;



  • Epic beating taken on the hockey pitch... Check!
  • Athletic tears drowned in copious amounts of alcohol... Check!
  • Nonsensical embarrassing text messages sent to potential suitors... Check!
  • 10.30 pm lining of the stomach with Burger King fat ensuring nausea the next morning... Check!

So now you know what my monday morning was like. I did manage to save myself by making the best breakfast ever (so named by several of my international house guests).

Take one can of fresh croissant pastry, fill the croissants with red pesto and cheese (or something mildly resembling cheese - yes I'm a cheese snob, I can't help it I'm Dutch). Bake them in the oven until almost golden (but not quite, the cheese should be melted but the croissants still slightly doughy and gooey). Eat them whilst still warm and wash them down with some fresh fruit juice. Lather, rinse, repeat. Finish off with some cut up mango and kiwi fruit and
you're back on your feet.

Do what you will with this information, I'm just putting it out there (and being a lazy blogger by not putting up anything of substance).

Thursday, 25 September 2008

Dutch bands I listened to when I was fifteen and had blue hair

Even though The Netherlands is but a pin-prick on the global map, some pretty cool music gets made here. The following bands were amongst my favourites when I was a teenage wannabe smartass (remove the teenage and you have my current status). First up is 'Gotcha!' A group of very colourful but incredibly talented musicians that first drew my attention with a fabulously funky live set at the Paaspop festival well over a decade ago. I played the saxophone at the time and was over the moon to see the instrument used in a way that was that fresh and loud and exciting. Here here they are with Funkadelics' 'Red Hot Momma'.

My next flashback features 'Claw Boys Claw'. They weren't much to look at for my lusty adolescent eyes but 'Rosie' remains one of my all time favourite songs.

* Update: I have some very juicy musical gossip straight from the horse's mouth; there might be a Gotcha! reunion in the works for 2009. You heard it here first folks!

My Soapbox; internet rules of engagement

A lot has been said about internet communication, and how blogging and commenting fits in to our information diets, but I'd like to add my two cents.

Let me start with the things I love about new media and the blogging culture. I think it is wonderful how the internet provides a stage for people of all ages and walks of life, to get whatever it is they want to broadcast out there. Wether it's the sidesplitting adventures of your seven cats, the paintings you made with your toes, or your specific take on hetorodox economics in relation to global shift, you can spread your personal gospel without obstacle. Never before was it this easy to find kindred spirits and to exchange ideas in real time. People find each other in shared passions, life stories, opinions, or a sense of humour and I am convinced that these exchanges can be a powerful weapon in the fight against ignorance, censorship and even lonelyness. Hell, if nothing else it's an endless source of entertainment, and my daily dose of healthy belly laughs from my favorite sites has saved many a dreary day. However (my favourite word since my Zimbabwean tourgide used it in slomo as well as four times in every sentence he ever spoke), it isn't all hugs and kisses on the ol' interweb...

Even though I believe it's a good thing to have a critical mind, and to express that criticism whenever you feel your arguments have more merit than others, the grim tone that rules many internet discussions bugs me somewhat. It isn't the venom or passion behind it that irritates me, it is the cowardly anonymous name calling, atrocious spelling and poorly argumented accusations that really rub me the wrong way. This is not a stab at people who have commented on this site! I welcome reasonable counter arguments, and for the most part, that is exactly what I got. But I do take take a stand against the uninformed, impolite and unfunny sadbags who just love to dish it out from the safety of their own keyboards, but are nowhere to be found when it's time to reap what they've sown.

In the Netherlands there is a very popular online forum (http://www.geenstijl.nl/) that thrives on venemous comment threads. A competing newsblog (http://www.geencommentaar.nl/) recently placed a fake leftist petition online which was promptly spammed by the "geenstijl" commenters, unknowing that their IP addresses were collected and later published, so other bloggers could block their comments. On the one hand I found this to be very amusing. I think it's good to hold people accountable for their actions, but on the other hand, these statements would never have been made if not for the presumed anonymity.

So what can we do about it? I think it's wrong to try and silence those we disagree with, however uninformed, rude and annoying they may sometimes be. I think our only option is to be as vocal as they are. To be omnipresent with counter arguments, wit, patience and reliable information. We won't be able to shut them up, but if we are able to bug them as much as they bug us (and perhaps show them that being right and being loud are not synonymous), I'm sure the blogosphere will be a happier place for it!

Friday, 19 September 2008

Bad movie, GREAT soundtrack

It's the weekend! And to kick it off I'm posting some of my favourite soundtracks to really really crappy movies. Here is U2's "Hold me thrill me kiss me kill me" from the laughable Batman Forever (before Batman Begins and The Dark Knight raised the bar to a whole new level).

And then there was the worst James Bond ever... The scene where he is consoling his whiny girlfriend in the shower made me lose all faith in Bond, no matter how hot Daniel Craig looked sans shirt. But the soundtrack was great (as are most James Bond soundtracks), here is Chris Cornell with "You know my Name".

I actually quite enjoyed Cruel Intentions, but I can not in good conscience call it a good movie now can I? But it does have one of the best soundtracks of all time, just look at this list:


1. Every You Every Me (Single Mix) - Placebo
2. Praise You (Radio Edit) - Fatboy Slim
3. Coffee & TV - Blur
4. Bedroom Dancing - Day One
5. Colorblind - Counting Crows
6. Ordinary Life - Kristen Barry
7. Comin' Up From Behind - Marcy Playground
8. Secretly - Skunk Anansie
9. This Love - Craig Armstrong
10. You Could Make a Killing - Aimee Mann
11. Addictive - Faithless
12. Trip On Love - Abra Moore
13. You Blew Me Off - Bare Jr.
14. Bitter Sweet Symphony - The Verve

Please enjoy Skunk Anansie´s "Secretly".

Stuff I wish I had come up with

and that I stole of http://www.quizlaw.com/

Thursday, 18 September 2008

Dead Melons and Bee Costumes

What's with all the brilliant young artists who collapse under the pressure of their own talent and die untimely drug induced deaths? Cut it out! We need you to counter-balance the overproduced horror shows that are Simpson and Cyrus and their ilk. Even though Shannon Moon was example two million and thirty-five of the 'what a waste' list, this song always makes me smile! Here's "Blind Melon" with "No Rain".

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

Mr. Love and the Stallions

Sometimes nepotism is a good thing and that's when you call it networking. It's pretty much how I get all my jobs, houses and make new friends. When friends have a really cool band and you put their stuff on your blog it's not even favouritism, at least not when they are this good...

Check out http://www.mrloveandthestallions.com/ for more!

Cranky

So I'm having kind of a bad week... Things are not going my way at work, I've managed to undo a whole summer of hard work on the hockey field and in the gym in just two weeks of binge drinking, and I'm still not sure exactly what I want to be when I grow up, even though I just turned 27.

I know! Cry me a river, get over it, grow a spine and buy some real problems is exactly what I've been telling myself, and then I read the paper...

Ignoring for a moment the usual torture, war, famine and disease stories, the following upset me. The corruption charges against Jakob Zuma have been thrown out of court (clearing the way for him to become the next President of South Africa) and the U.S. are about to elect someone my grandfather wouldn't want to have a beer with because he's just too damn old and keeps bangin' on about the war (and don't even get me started on his sock puppet choice for VP who doesn't know what the Bush' Doctrine is and would seriously consider waging war on Russia). The stupid versus smart war rages on!
(http://www.deusexmalcontent.com/2008/09/choose-wisely.html)
Even in The Netherlands the ridiculous soap opera that is TON (meaning: Proud Of the Netherlands) is doing great in the polls. Even though their leader has repeatedly been proven to be shallow, oblivious to issues concerning human suffering (global and domestic) and just plain incompetent. Seriously people, I'm losing hope here! When did being well-read and intelligent become a bad thing? Jakob Zuma is a rapist and thinks he can protect himself from HIV by taking a shower, but at least he is a real man and Zulu Warrior! Sarah Palin thinks the earth is less then 10.000 years old, but hey, she looks good in glasses and likes guns! What more could you want from a president? A sizable intellect and comprehension of global issues and the economy perhaps? Maybe a soul and an actual desire to make the world a better place?
The tragic thing is that people who are not smart enough to see through the rhetoric and who vote for the loudest screamers, the ones who buy into the dirty tricks and fingerpointing, they are the ones who are getting screwed the most. Because when the hurricanes take your house, disease takes your kids and the economy your job, you can never go crying to them. They promised you lower taxes, bible study, guns, and a president who is cooler than school. Not a helping hand when you need one most...

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Back to back

My first and foremost of several musical posts featuring covers that don't suck. Proving it is possible to improve on genius, here's Leonard Cohen followed by Jeff Buckley with Hallelujah. Words cannot do it justice...

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Muppets never lie!


These guys are hilarious, and remind me of me and my best friend, sitting on a barstool in our favourite local watering hole, generally being obnoxious and laughing way too loud at our own jokes. Enjoy!

Why so serious?

Because I think it's important not to take yourself too seriously, here's an embarrassing story of how I made a complete boob of myself back when I was in college. If you like it, let me know, because unfortunately I have a lot of them.
Picture it! Utrecht 2000...

Boy meets loudmouth girl, diggs her wicked ways and proceeds to woo her (read, plie her with booze on numerous occasions). Eventually she succumbs to his charms, and after a heavy night out they retreat to his room. It's a typical male student's room. Single bed, stereo not yet hooked up even though he's been living there for over a year, framed movie posters and mirror still on the floor leaning against the wall, because wacking a few nails in, and putting the damn things up is just too much of a bloody effort.

The bed is turned on it's side to make a double bed on the floor and after a brief and awkward tumble, they both drift off into a deep blissfull sleep. Several hours later the girl is awoken by the sensation of a desert thirst, accompanied by a splitting headache. The kind that feels like an anvil was repeatedly dropped on your head from an aeroplane. An anvil with a tiny parachute attached that reads; "Enjoy your bacon, you cunt!". Just kidding, it said; "If you think you feel bad now, just wait untill you try to get up!". She tries to get back to sleep but can't, because she is just too thirsty, but getting up to get a drink is also not an option. The boy lies still with his back facing her. Her nose itches, so she gets up on her forearms and proceeds to harvest a black mixture of brainjuice and soot from her nose. Slowly, methodically, unashamedly... She studies the boogers and rolls little balls that she then proceeds to flick in all directions, when a terrifying realisation enters her mind. The mirror! On the floor... She is afraid to look but can't stop herself. And sure enough, he was staring at me through the mirror. Crap!

He never said anything about it, and we actually dated for a while after that. But the next time he asked me to spend the night, I replied; "only if you'll watch me pick my nose again". Because that is how I roll...

Monday, 8 September 2008

Don't you get souped yet!

The Beastie Boys have been around for a long time, and for me the highlight was their '94 album 'Ill Communication'. Which I saw them perform live at the Lowlands music festival. From that album, here's 'Sabotage'. One of the best music videos ever made, from back in the day when MTV still was worth the M...

Flat Dogs don't taste like chicken!

Are you a well rounded foodie? There's a way to measure that now, by adding up your score on the omnivore hundred. I actually did pretty well, but I have many years of restaurant slavery to thank for that. One item on the list is crocodile, which I tried and reviewed on a friend's blog. Here's the recycled post:

You know what really grinds my gears? How people always claim that food that is foreign to their taste buds, tastes like chicken. If you follow that reasoning my deep fried old boot would go down a treat. I'd only have rip it apart a little and stick it in a cardboard bucket with a picture of a war criminal on it. I've actually heard a very well educated American travel companion of mine refer to a piece of grilled barracuda as chicken. I thought she was joking at first, but the blank stare that met my laughter dropkicked me right back to earth. And I decided then and there to try with all my might to define every single taste I encountered from then on, as closely as humanly possible. My first challenge almost did me in, because the week after that I tried me some crocodile for the first time ever. Fun fact: in some African countries they refer to crocodiles as "flat dogs". And describing how the object of Steve Irwins' affection tastes, is no easy task. Why was I eating a giant lizard in the first place? Well, because I was hungry of course. But maybe also a little bit because I was in Africa and it was on the menu and it came with mashed potatos and a cranberry sauce...
So how was it? The first thing that hit me was the texture, it was almost like bacon rind but not salty. The meat was white but a lot thougher than chicken, and the flavour was very weird. Good, but not like anything I had eaten before. I can describe it at best as a mild, fatty, almost flowery flavour. I realise I'm not making it sound very appealing, but I 'm trying to be precise here! At least we've established that PREHISTORIC LIZARDS DON'T TASTE ANYTHING LIKE CHICKEN and that was kind of my point.
So next time you're trotting down some murky riverbank trying to club yourself a nice pair of Crocodile Dundee boots, remember that these cuddly beasts make a nutricious meal as well. Just don't get caught in a death roll, that would suck. Granted, it's a much more heroic way to die than playing tag with a stingray, but you still don't want to end up as crocmeat. Those animals won't even care what YOU taste like...

To check out your score on the omnivore hundred go to: http://www.fearlessinthekitchen.com/2008/09/04/the-omnivores-hundred/

Yanking the Dog's chain

Because it's monday and we could all use a pick me up, here's a little Gin and Juice by way of the Gourds (I know it's old but hard liquor never goes bad).

Sunday, 7 September 2008

The emperor's new clothes

Jonathan Shapiro is a South African cartoonist who is as smart as he is funny. Check out his stuff on http://www.mg.co.za/zapiro/all

It's funny because it's true...

This man is brilliant and has had me rolling with laughter more times than I can count. He is also always right, about everything! Here's his take on languages:

I could not care less about a rats ass!

Let's make something clear once and for all, animals are not equal to human beings! They can be very cute and cuddly and delicious, but they do not have a big enough brain to have a wide scope of emotions, thoughts or even memories.

What is prompting me to make this very uncontroversial statement? Well there are actually two things I have a major beef with (pun intended). One of which being the militant vegetarians that ever more frequently cross my culinary path. First of all, I believe it's very rude to ruin someone's dinner by commenting on their choice of protein, and secondly GROW UP! Do you really think you own the moral high ground because you're able to suppress your carnivoric nature? I realise that the meat industry is responsible for a huge part of greenhouse gas emissions, but did you know that the burning of fossil fuels and production of carbon dioxide for 200 grams of fake soy-based meat is just as high as the levels for the production of 200 grams of beef steak? The chemical processing needed to give the soy some much needed flavour is just as damaging to the ecosystem. Not to mention the acres of rain forrest that are getting cut down hourly to make room for all the soy plantations. As for the empathy factor, I am not ashamed to say that I reserve my empathy strictly for humans. I have absolutely no problem with an animal being killed for my consumption, and until the day comes when a cow marches up to me to argue his case lucidly and with proper arguments as to why I shouldn't eat him, I'll consider animals a lesser species and view them as food. Besides, what do you think the world would look like if we hadn't become the natural hunters we are? We would all (all meaning the few who weren't mauled by bigger animals) still be wondering the forrest aimlessly in a never ending quest for nuts and berries.

My second objection regards a commercial against animal testing that has been on my television for a few months now, and is driving me nuts! It showes someone bringing a farmer a live ox, in order for it to plough his land. The baffled farmer responds with a weak; "ehm, we have machines for that nowadays" and the clip ends with;
"Well if there are machines for that, why can't we invent something for animal testing?"
Right? Because using a tractor instead of an ox is a fair comparison to finding a cure for cancer with a fictional miracle machine instead of experimenting on all those poor baby rats. The sheer stupidity of that claim is as infuriating as it is laughable. I'm not advocating needless animal cruelty here, but animal testing for medical research is the best hope we have to cure life threatening diseases. And as the daughter of a cancer survivor I can tell you I wouldn't think twice about killing an entire petting zoo with my bare hands if it would bring us closer to a real cure.

I guess the point I am trying to make is that there are worse things in the world than the occasional bunny being terminated in the name of science. There are actual people suffering all over the world, and I believe our loyalty belongs with them. One of the things that rub me the wrong way about these animal activists is that I can't escape the impression that the problems of the human race are just too scary and complicated for them to handle, so they choose to fight a simpler battle. Animals = good, humans = bad. And if they can get some chicks to get naked in the process (I'm looking at you PETA), well that's just an added bonus. Because nothing screams "We want to be taken seriously!" like a naked Pamela Anderson and her leathery funbags of morality...

Mad as Pants

So how did I end up with a nickname like Pants?

Apparently that is what happends if you lock six strangers in a bus touring Southern Africa. There's a lot of card games (especially Presidents and Assholes), verbal diarrhea, shamefull confessions and bonding. Someone says your 'mad as pants', and before you know it you're Joyciepants, Joycepants and finally just Pants. Which is just fine with me!

I invite you to join me in the madness that is Pants. I'll do my best to get you out unscathed...