Monday, 5 January 2009

Life is like a box of condoms...


So I'm on pins and needles today because I have a BIG job interview tomorrow and need to become smart, competent and charming overnight, after having been on 'energy saving mode' for the last week. It's good to feel this excited about something again although it does mean that I'm a bit on edge now. I found myself inwardly cursing the slow people in front of me on my way to work this morning and I had to refrain from rolling my eyes and sighing loudly with discontent like the twelve year old I secretly am. I mean, I get that cycling on ice might be a bit frightening for some, but if you're too scared to pick up speed, just take the bloody bus already! It's the hesitation that'll make you fall (or other people's irratic movements, or breaking, and corners of course).

I personally find the possibility of a crippling nose dive exhilarating. Especially when I get to watch other people involuntarily kiss a face full of pavement. That is not very nice of me I know, but I've provided the world with my fair share of clumsy and painful moments so I don't have to feel guilty when I laugh at the old lady who accidentally gets hit in the head with a frisbee, or the beautiful bride with bird crap in her hair.

I remember experiencing the most perfect moment of Schadenfreude on my ski-trip last year. We'd had a great day on the slopes and were enjoying hot rum, good food and bad jokes at an outdoor bar when our bliss was suddenly tainted by the ugly cries of a spoiled fat kid and his overbearing fussfaced mother. The little snot was apparently unimpressed by the perfect snow, clear sky and lush banquet in front of him, because he was throwing a temper tantrum that would make Shannen Doherty blush. I was just about to hurl my ski boot at his unsightly face when the magic happened. A giant slab of fluffy snow suddenly slid from the roof turning him and his high chair into a giant frozen popsicle. Ha! Naturally he cried even harder after that but it was still totally worth it.

Of course having said all that, and knowing my luck, I probably just succesfully jinxed my journey home and ensured that I have to do the interview with a broken nose and a busted lip. After all: Life is like a box of condoms. Smelly, uncomfortable, and you never know what you're going to get (when the fuckers inevitably break).

* That being said, even though condoms are a hassle, they are a nececety and the fare is very much worth the ride. So kids: "don't be daft, wrap your shaft!"

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