Rants from the Pants

Unfinished

2010-11-11T01:50:00.016+01:00

Effortlessly beautiful. That's how I would describe her. The twinkle in her eye revealed a passion, bigger than life. When I first met her I was a little jealous to be honest. She had mastered the art of truly being one of the boys, without them losing their desire for her. She was the only hot blonde I knew for whom respect was never an issue. A seasonal MVP at the pub quiz table, and not afraid to flex some muscle. The muscle that would come to kill her.

Even though she could have easily been every woman's natural enemy, everyone I know that knew her, loved her. She was one of those people who actually cared about the answer when she asked you a question. She cared about people, period.

The last time I saw her we talked about cupcakes. Fucking happy, stupid, colourful, moronic, delicious, cupcakes. We talked about tumours too, of course. And how good it was to talk again, and how we should do it more. She gave me a little pinch and a smile that said "It's just me, don't feel weird. The long blond hair maybe gone, and there may be some golf ball sized thing in my brain that's trying to kill me, but I'm not letting it get me down."

I'm so sorry the evil golf ball won. I'm sorry for all of her friends and family who'll have to miss her. I'm sorry she didn't get to finish her degree and officially graduate as the kick-ass cinematographer she was, be the star she would undoubtedly have become. I’m sorry she didn’t get to do all the things she wanted and deserved. I’m sorry and I’m pissed. You cannot finish a life by 29. No one can. It’s not fair.

She may not have had a chance to finish, but she never failed. She was a beautiful person, and she had fans. I will always be one of them.

The best thing to happen to the internet since free boobies!

2010-07-01T09:35:00.016+02:00

But first let us speak of the biggest distraction in my life since I learned that boys also suck in a good way, the World Cup. It's like a bloody soap opera this year. It's full of drama, gossip, backstabbing and spectacular failure. And I for one am laughing my head off at all the poncy pillocks who are crying "woe is me" whilst blowing their noses in hundred euro bills.

Take Cristiano Ronaldo for instance. That guy can suck my shingles. I loved how he was tripping over his own feet all over the pitch in search of a free kick, just to be completely ignored by every single referee he crossed. After the Portuguese knock out he was quoted saying "I'm broken, frustrated and unbelievably sad". Well boo fucking hoo dude, maybe you should've tried playing football instead of demanding your teammates to serve up scoring opportunities on a silver platter.

And then of course there's mister Fifa himself Joseph "respect my authoritah" Blatter. That guy must have elephantiasis balls to be able to spew that much self-aggrandizing word poop and still claim to be a servant of fair play. I saw him in an old television interview where he explained his objections to the video referee, saying it was "too complicated", because there would have to be "cables dug in, all around the field". I could see how an intricate technical endeavour like that might be over his leather head, but if you see the technical skill and ability displayed in the new stadiums built by Fifa you know the excuse is laughable. After the French selection acted like a bunch of very spoilt children, and were sent home by South Africa, the shamed ex-coach and resigned chairman of the French Football Association were summoned by French parliament. This fact was ridiculous enough in itself. The World Cup has been keeping me pretty occupied, but even I know it's just a game. And to say the French government has bigger problems would be a massive understatement. But predictably, Blatter got his knickers in a knot and announced that "French parliament had no jurisdiction over the French Football Association". Let's reverse that for a moment shall we? Fifa has no fucking jurisdiction over the French government you narcissistic dimwitted blowhard! And while we're at it, take your corrupt monster of an organisation, go swim in your tainted money and stop ruining football!

Okay, rant over. Now the anxiety for the Dutch game against the Brazillians tomorrow can start. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, but who knows? Maybe this time the 'lions' will finally take the 'Canaries'. If so. Two words; "Orange Orgy".

As for this clip, I know "the best thing to happen to the internet since free boobies" is a lot to promise, but trust me. The video below is sheer genius and watching it may be the most cathartic ten minutes of your life. I wouldn't recommend watching it at work though, because you might very well end up accidentally cursing your boss into the ground and having to get a shittier job than Jack Abramoff.

Via Pajiba here's Harry Hanrahan's montage of

White Flower Power

2010-05-18T11:52:00.009+02:00

Look, I don't know what happened okay? Those white supremacist bastards acted alone on this. I even tried to save them some weeks ago by attempting a botanical global shift of sorts, but I failed. Is that why I feel so guilty, because I failed?

Just look at those smug, racist petals looking all healthy and well fed, whilst the poor purple suckers get crushed to death. My dreams of a glorious and harmonious purple and white flower bed, an example for the flower beds of the world if you will, shot all to hell.

I should rip the white ones out and cramp them in a dried out old pot. See how they like it. The purple ones are prettier and more fun anyway. Serves those pale fuckers right for stealing other flora's food. Time to get vengeful up in this concrete jungle...

You can take the gays out of the army, but you can't take the penis off the homophobic's mind

2010-03-30T14:11:00.013+02:00

Remember John Sheehan? The retired United States Marine Corps general who claimed that the fall of Srebrenica was caused by the presence of homosexuals in the Dutch army, and that a Dutch general told him as much. He was soon revealed to be a big fat liar of course, and today the newspapers say he finally apologised to his Dutch colleague Henk van den Bremen. The headlines have him eating crow, but I can't say I find a shred of regret in his so called apology.

He sent an email (or more likely, his secretary did) stating his memories of certain discussions that took place 15 years ago were inaccurate. No fucking shit Sherlock! Not to mention the fact that you made up a blatant lie and attached it to a Dutch general's name, used the death of 30.000 innocents for your hate mongering, and to top it all off, blamed an entire genocide on the maybe 15 gays who were stationed at Srebrenica at the time. I think they deserve more than the lackluster gesture you sent van den Bremen, like your evil lying homophobic head on a plate!

I must say I'm really dissapointed in the Obama administration for letting their former generals run their mouths off like that. I understand he's a private citizen now, but he did insult an active military Ally, not to mention a large portion of the democratic electorate. What I would like to see is Hillary taking him by the ear and dragging him to the nearest microphone where he gets to tearfully explain just how silly he was to think that who a person chooses to love is any of his damn business. And how much in debt he is to the thousands of gays who've already fought for his country, suffering in silence. They gave their lives, while the flags from their caskets couldn't even go to those they loved most. I don't care if they have to hold him at gunpoint (or massive black gay man erection point, whatever he finds more scary), that is what needs to happen. It's 2010 for crying out loud. If Ricky Martin can come out of the closet, so can the most heavily armed organisation in the world.

Get it done Obama! It's time...

My cup runneth over... (not a boob joke)

2010-01-13T13:22:00.008+01:00

Did you know that happiness isn't very funny? I'd never thought about it much, but it seems to be the cause of my recent writers block (well that, and the ever present mindnumbing lazyness). It seems that I'm at my most productive when I'm being mysanthropic, taking the piss out of my life and everything that is shit about it. But what to do when something, or actually someone comes into your life, carrying buckets of joy, making it very difficult to get worked up about the little things?

Just weeks ago I was a worried mess, afraid that the evil that is cancer was clawing it's way back into my family. And now my parents are happily and healthily roaming New Zealand, and the biggest thing on my mind is the beautiful soul who bought me a typewriter. Just like that. He got me a real, old fashioned, Remmington typewriter. Because I said I wanted to write more. And now it's sitting there staring at me. A big, orange, gesture of kindness (and perhaps a dare to put my efforts where my mouth is).

Honestly there must be more than a few screws loose with this one, because after just two weeks I brought him home for Christmas to meet my weirdass family, and he still likes me. I spilled coffee all over his mattress, and he still likes me. I ambushed him with my entire hockey team, and was so hungover the next day that I turned green in the shower and had to exchange his embrace for that of the toilet bowl, and he still likes me. And just last weekend, I forced him outside on his balcony, naked, in the snow, and he STILL likes me...

There probably are many ways to make fun of him, of us, but I refuse to do so. Nauseating as we may be at our worst, this past month has been the biggest gift and as long as it may last I'm going to enjoy the hell out of it. Luckily, me, myself and I are still fair game, so feel free to laugh at me for just now falling off my bike and hitting my head (hard) on the ice, whilst on my way to visit a friend who's home sick with a concussion. Double points for irony there Murphy! I'm also still dirt poor, have no clean clothes, just opened a newspaper to discover the world is still in shambles and nope... doesn't work... still happy!

Dear cancer,

2009-12-14T12:57:00.008+01:00

I'll keep this brief, because if this thing turns out to be your doing, you're going to need a head start. I'm fairly confident the lump in my mum's neck isn't going to be cancerous, because let's face it, if it is... Dude! You are SO screwed!

Have you learned nothing from last time? You really don't remember who you're messing with, do you? The woman on the other side of the boxing ring not only has the willpower of 25 Mandelas and the ass-whooping abilities of a 1000 Buffys, but do you see who are behind her? That's right suckah! It's medical science, the complete staff of one of the best oncological institutions in the world, and the love and support of everyone my mother has ever met. Why, you ask? Because she has a huge heart and people actually like her. As opposed to yourself cancer. Nobody likes you. You're ugly and you smell funny. Who's in your corner huh? Oh right, death... Well, I'm pretty sure he won't try to come near my mum anytime soon. He's probably still hurting from the last time she laughed his bony butt out the room.

Yeah so maybe you've won a few battles against people who clearly deserved better, because you're a heinous weasel and you fight dirty. But guess what? She doesn't give a flying fuck! This is the woman who literally pumped her veins full of radioactive fluid just so she could watch you cry. She allowed herself to be gutted like a fish, just so they could take out all the nasty little bits you touched. I've seen her do it! She's completely bonkers and she will eff, your, shit, up! Do you really want that much crazy on your ass again? Don't even try it man, you'll lose! She'll whipe the floor with you (and the walls, and possibly the ceiling. She's very thorough that way...).

You're starting to look a little pale there cancer. You know what, I'll cut you a deal. If you make it so the doctors won't find any of your dirty fingerprints on friday, maybe I can persuade her to let you off the hook. Just this once.
That's right, back away now, we're done here. Yeah you'd better run. Be afraid cancer. Be very afraid...

Yeah I'm lazy, here's a video

2009-11-18T15:43:00.005+01:00

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Windowless News Van for Kids - The Ball

http://www.thedailyshow.com/

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Health Care Crisis

Welcome back Murphy, my dear old friend and tormentor

2009-09-11T17:29:00.005+02:00

Mea culpa and so on for the lack of posting, I'm sure that you, my loyal readers, were very disappointed. Both of you (and yes that includes your cat). I took a sizable summer break from the interwebs to pretty much work every day, except when I was drinking on boats. Also, I enjoyed a bit of a summer romance, followed by the inevitable gut wrenching break up, when Cupid dipped his wretched dart in battery acid, before ramming it in my eye. I guess I have only myself to blame. If you mess with the youngens, you shouldn't be surprised when they suddenly get bored, call you a doodyhead, and run off to poke some roadkill.

Since I have a party to attend shortly and currently look and smell like Groundskeeper Willy after St. Patricks day, I'd better hit the shower. But I'll leave you with someone who also thinks god and Murphy are dicks, if not the same person...

Here's Marcus Brigstocke:

Poison Ivy

2009-06-25T15:26:00.006+02:00

I went to dinner at one of the Netherlands' top new restaurants on Tuesday, and reviewed the experience for my friend Karen's cooking blog
Fearless in the Kitchen.

Apparently I was somewhat anal-retentive about the whole thing, but you can judge that for yourself here.

Wimbledon cuteness

2009-06-25T14:40:00.011+02:00

You don't have to like tennis to appreciate this:

"Frenchman Micheal Llodra had to forfeit his match against german Tommy Haas today after losing his balance during a rally and crashing into the umpires chair (and the face of a ball girl). Haas wasn't quite ready to leave centre court yet though, so he dedided to treat the audience to a little game with the ball boys and girl."

Well, it looks like I have a new crush. How cute was that!?! (And how much do you love that the only kid with game doesn't have a Y chromosome...)

* Once again for the Dutchies; if you are reading this on my Hyves page, the RSS feed doesn't copy the YouTube clips so you'll have to click through to my blog.

Best, worst and hottest, the dad edition!

2009-06-21T19:15:00.018+02:00

So I've already turned the spotlight on my own dad today, but there are many fatherly characters out there that speak to the imagination, for better or worse...

Worst dad: Josef Fritzl

You have to be one disgusting human being to win this title, but unfortunately mr. Fritzl is as loathsome as they come. Locking his daughter in the basement for most of her life, using her as a sex slave, and fathering his own grandchildren. Some of whom were kept hidden from the world, and one who didn't even survive life in his hellish Austrian dungeon.

Worst animated dad: Randy Marsh (South Park)

When he's not busy mastrubating, drinking and/or causing mass hysteria, he is still a pretty big jackass, causing his son Stan massive headaches and much embarressment. Granted, Peter Griffin may be even worse. But Family Guy is way less funny and I've kind of had it with them, so they are spared this dubious honour.

Best dad: Jon stewart

Let's face it, the guy is by all accounts pretty much perfect. He's smart, funny and has morals that seem incredibly sane for Hollywood standards. Not to mention that he'd be a very worthy adversary for any teenage smartmouth. Truly a dad to look up to.

Best dad (who isn't a dad) - Stephen Fry

He might be an elderly gay man and therefore an unlikely candidate for fatherhood, but I think mr. Fry would make the perfect dad. Kind and wise, conscientious and witty, I would hand this man my firstborn in a heartbeat. Also, having Emma Thompson and Hugh Laurie for god parents wouldn't be too shabby...

Hottest dad - Hank Moody (Californation)

Hank Moody's smooth, poetic ways may ruin his daughter for all other men, but they sure are a delight to watch. Never short of a good oneliner, he is the (fictional) dad whose face I would most happily use as a chair. And he isn't without life lessons either; "Back tatts are the watermark of the promiscuous". True that...

Happy father's day dad!

2009-06-21T16:23:00.001+02:00

As far as dads go, mine is pretty fantastic. He's quite funny (not as funny as he thinks he is, but I guess that runs in the family...), he's generous, very proud, loving, and generally fun to be around. He's instilled in me a profound love for music, a strong sense of independance, and the confidence to go after whatever you want out of life. He's the dad you can have a beer with (read: many, many beers), and the dad my sister and I wouldn't trade for anyone. So in honour of father's day, I'd like to share some of his parenting greatest hits.

When I was in my early teens, I was the typical, sensitive, idealistic bookworm (you know the type; wears a lot of black, not very good at the evil high school politics, writes awful and naive poetry about changing the world) and also not very easy to shop for. When my birthday came around, my dad walked into the local bookshop and told the saleswoman; "My daughter is way too smart for her own good and loves to read. I have no idea what kind of book to get her, help me." And so that's how I got Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid, by Douglas Hofstadter for my 13th birthday. It still gives me a headache, but it's nonetheless very flattering to know that your dad mistakenly believes you to be some kind of genius.

A few years after that, I had tickets for a Junkie XL concert in Tilburg (about an hour away) and my friend and I had secretly planned to stay with some students who lived there, so we could stay out all night. Naturally we got busted for lying about where we were planning to stay, but instead of grounding me, he drove us to the concert and came to pick us up at one in the morning, joking and smiling all the way. This of course made me feel horribly guilty about being a lying little shit, and earned him major cool points for life.

The best thing my dad ever did though, and the biggest example of the kind of person he is, was what he did when my cousin was in trouble. I won't go into details, but let's just say he was being mistreated by the people who were supposed to take care of him. When he got the call, my dad just got in his car, got him out of there, and gave him a home in our house. No questions asked. It was the only right thing to do, but I know many, many people wouldn't have.

I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you dad. I love you.

The (complete) ten commandments of hospitality, FOR CUSTOMERS!!!

2009-06-16T05:16:00.011+02:00

There are many rules restaurant employees have to mind when working around food and people:

"Take a shower every once in a while, try to minimise the pointing and laughing at customers, and refrain from hot plate frisbee during rush hour."

Sounds fair enough, right? But I do believe us humble servant folk deserve SOME common courtesy in return by our guests. The following is a detailed list of ten things that make us want to put arsenic in your coffee, and that you should please never again do in a restaurant. Basically it all boils down to: "don't be a twat", but that doesn't make a very good list now does it?

1. Thou shalt not be a pervert

Rule of thumb: "If he/she is young enough to be your child (or worse) don't try to hit on your waiter." First of all because it's gross, and second of all, we have to be nice to you for money. Please don't make that even more creepy than it has to be. Yes, we may come across very friendly or even flirty, but that is what being a good host(ess) is. We make you feel welcome. If you misinterpret those signals as a sexual green light, we will make fun of you to our colleagues and deem you pathetic behind your back (except if you were the hot guy sitting at table 42 on saturday, in which case I totally meant to flirt with you).

2. Thou shalt sit wherever the hell thou are told

Seriously people, it's not that difficult. If a table seats eight and there's only two of you, don't act surprised if you are not seated there. We understand you like the extra elbow space, but we kind of like the six hundred euros we can make by sticking actual people in those empty chairs. Your boss doesn't allow you to throw your computer out the office window at the end of the day does he? No, because THAT would be a waste of money. Think about it, dumbass.

3. Thou shalt not be a stingy bastard

You knew this was coming, but tipping is important! If the food and service are good, or even great, it's nice to tell us so, but compliments do not pay the rent. Hospitality is hard and physically strenuous work, for not a lot of money. So if you can afford to eat at a high end place like ours, we know you have a few extra pennies to show your appreciation. It pains me to say this but women are especially lousy tippers. Not that I believe men to be more altruistic or generous, but their machismo fear of being called a cheapskate moves them to do the right thing.

4. Thou shalt keep thy womb fruit in check

It's nice that you think your offspring is of magnificent beauty and wisdom, but it's pretty safe to assume to rest of us are less impressed. Therefore, it would be helpful if you could teach your kids some goddamn manners. I don't know what my parents would have done if eight year old me had been running around the restaurant screaming, ruining all the table settings, and slamming into fully loaded waiters, but I'm pretty sure that it would have hurt. Call me old fashioned, but I genuinely didn't expect to be scolded by the mother of the little creep I had just prevented from eating glass fragments off the floor. Next time I'll just hand junior a box of matches and a steak knife, and send him on his merry way.

5. Thou shalt realise when the party is over

We've all been there. You've had a few too many and you're not quite ready to go home. At this point it's probably wise to realise that the people who are working there are all itching for you to leave so that they can finally relax themselves, and that is why they've been asking: "can I get you anything else", every three minutes for the last half hour. Go be drunk around people who are in a similar state of intoxication, and who won't remember you so harshly, if at all.

6. Thou shalt not mess with the balancing act

You may think that you're helping, but handing us the smallest thing on the table, thereby ensuring that we can't stack anything else on, thus forcing us to make another run to the kitchen is the exact opposite. There is a very fragile logic between what we can carry and how we stack it, and it is different for everyone, so please don't hand us anything, unless we ask. If we are carrying a serving tray, for the love of Krishna do not take anything from it, or place anything on it when we aren't looking, because it will fall. That doesn't make us clumbsy, it makes you daft, and probably dripping.

7. Thou shalt not treat thy waiters like cattle

Whistling, clapping, snapping your fingers and waving hysterically at restaurant staff should be punishable by death. Or at the very least by flogging. It's incredibly rude, humiliating, dehumanising and it pretty much garantees you crap service for the rest of the night, because the entire staff will loathe you. It is however completely acceptable to walk up to a stranger who displays this behaviour and punch them in the throat. When they stare back at you, baffled and afraid, you can snap your fingers at them (or whistle, clap etc.) and say; "you know why!".

8. Thou shalt not be hysterically pregnant

Since the dawn of time, blushing farm women, malnourished African women, and stupid teenagers (surviving solely on a steady diet of KFC and twinkies) alike have been putting healthy youngens on this earth. It's good that we now know a little more about what not to do during pregnancy, but try not to be a total paranoid bitch about it. We are not out to poison your child to be, and if you are so very afraid of the redness of meat, then just DON'T ORDER THE FUCKING STEAK! It makes our souls hurt to serve grey beef. Oh, and those three drops of alcohol in the sauce will have evaporated in the cooking process, it is not necessairy to ask that question about every single thing on the menu while pointing at your stomache. You have told us you're pregnant five times already, and also, you are huge and bloated.

9. Thou shalt not be hasty

You know why fast food is so cheap? Because it takes no thought, no time to prepare, and it's expected to taste like crap. Good, fresh food actually takes time and care, and if you look around, you'll notice that you're not the only person who we're serving at the moment. We'll serve you in a very timely manner, and if we feel you might be waiting a minute too long, we'll be at your table, apologising profusely and offering you free drinks. If you are so very bored with your company that you have nothing better to do than to stare at your watch all night, might we suggest "rent-a-friend", or a divorce.

10. Thou shalt not assume thy waiter is an idiot

There are plenty of dim bulbs who work in hospitality, like there are in any industry, but there's no need to talk to your waiter like they're mentally handicapped. If you are dining in a good restaurant, or even in a crappy one in a cool city, chances are you are being served by someone who has a sharp mind and a passion for food and wine, who understands there's an art to making sure you have a great evening, who has a college education and probably could do many other things just as well, but who chose this career because it makes them happy, they are fucking great at it, and it's a helluvalot more fun than being stuck in some office all day.

To summarise here's from "The New Statesman" the exact opposite of how one should behave in a restaurant:

* Once again for the Dutchies; if you are reading this on my Hyves page, the RSS feed doesn't copy the YouTube clips so you'll have to click through to my blog.

Glorious cleavage

2009-05-11T15:16:00.004+02:00

Do you know how sometimes you can't choose between feeling flattered or downright mortified? Well, imagine you are walking past a sunny terrace when a group of men (I presume they were British tourists) suddenly jump up and shout "Glorious cleavage!" at you, followed by them clapping and cheering...

My reaction of course was to turn Ferrari red, and to sprint away akwardly, in heels, on a brick road. I'm just thankful I didn't do a full faceplant right then and there, but I did feel about as sexy as a bucket of lint. But enough about my embarrassing life, I have to run to work now, so here's POTUS Obama being funny at last night's White House Correspondents' Association Dinner.

* Once again for the Dutchies; if you are reading this on my Hyves page, the RSS feed doesn't copy the YouTube clips so you'll have to click through to my blog.

Oh dear...

2009-05-06T18:31:00.002+02:00

South Africa has elected her fourth president since the end of apartheid. His name is Jacob Zuma and he is more crooked than the leaning tower of Pisa. Apparantly things need to once again get worse before they can get better. Let's hope it doesn't take eight years though...

Rhetorical crimes against logic

2009-05-06T17:14:00.006+02:00

The eighth commandment reads "Thou shalt not steal", but I totally pulled this clip from http://www.deusexmalcontent.com/ and I am not sorry!

* For the Dutchies; if you are reading this on my Hyves page, the RSS feed doesn't copy the YouTube clips so you'll have to click through to my blog.

Orange you glad I´m back?

2009-05-01T09:30:00.004+02:00

Apparently I still have a blog... Who knew?

Since starting my new job (yes, yet another new job, shut up) I've generally been too exhausted to do much of anything, but you know you're in trouble when a global pandemic breaks out and you are the absolute last person in the world to notice. To mask my blatant ignorance I was going to write something cute and perky about the Dutch tradition of Queens Day. But, since some raging lunatic decided to drive his car through the celebrations in what looks like an attempt to harm the royal family, killing five people and injuring many more, I guess cute and perky is out. So yeah...

I got nothing. Here's Stephen K Amos live at the Apollo:

* For the Dutchies; if you are reading this on my Hyves page, the RSS feed doesn't copy the YouTube clips so you'll have to click through to my blog.

Sacrelicious

2009-03-26T19:01:00.003+01:00

If you haven't seen the new South Park episode from last night, "Margaritaville", I suggest you get yourself over to www.southparkstudios.com right quick, because it is friggin' hilarious! In addition to a last supper spoof, with Cartman as the natural Judas, it also has this little gem:

Musica ex machina

2009-03-25T16:29:00.006+01:00

Artist Felix Thorn built this incredibly impressive musical machine, and is hereby invited to come to Utrecht and replace the now tarred and feathered organ grinder outside my window...

In other news: "We're all doomed!"

2009-03-24T12:42:00.009+01:00

Is anybody else feeling mildly overwhelmed in trying to understand what exactly is happening with the current financial crisis?

Well, as always, Matt Taibbi does understand and manages to explain it in a way that doesn't make my brain explode. You can read the article here but be advised; you'll probably feel worse than before you knew what the hell those money people were on about...

Paper cuts

2009-03-22T22:59:00.007+01:00

As I walk past my hallway mirror, I notice black smudges all over my face. The familiar markings of an afternoon well spent, reading the Saturday newspaper. As much as I love and have come to depend on the internet, I am still one of those fossils who pay good money to have daily piles of waste paper delivered to their doorstep. Because nothing can beat the feel and smell that is the print experience.

When I was in college I used to meet my friends after class with a stack of newspapers. And we would sit, at a big table in our favourite bar. All day. Reading, drinking coffee, and contemplating the perils of the modern world, until we exchanged our coffees for beers, our informed discussions for inane folly, and would exit the pub just slighty more stupid than before we came. It was there that we heard out about the planes flying into the World Trade Centre, with our suddenly outdated newspapers still in hand.

Eight years, several wars, and one U.S. President later, those people and that bar are still there, but I wonder how much longer my beloved newspapers will be. As Clay Shirky so eloquently describes in his article, we are in the middle of a media revolution, and important as tradional newspapers (and their journalistic efforts) may be, they won't be able to survive the perfect storm of free information.

I would love to offer a solution for these very modern challenges, but let's not kid ourselves. I'm the girl who found her lost keys in the refrigerator this morning. So I'll just enjoy my dirty old paper for as long as I can. If you need me I'll be at my table. Smudged and content...

Et tu, Ricky?

2009-03-11T16:17:00.012+01:00

This just in: Ricky Gervais and Pink are going to star in the new PETA ad...

So if smart and funny people are joining these assholes, does that mean Britney Spears just became the president of Mensa? You know, because it must be opposite day!

Why do my favourite celebrities keep joining these retarded organisations? I mean, needlessly torturing animals is a bad thing, even I get that, but I do have a major beef with militant animal rights activists such as Peta. They bully people who work in the meat and science industries, but have no problem killing off thousands of animals who were brought to them for shelter.

Does working in Hollywood actually make you mad? I swear, there must be something in the water. No wonder Scientology business is booming, the crazy comes straight from the tap!

Ten songs that will break your heart

2009-03-10T21:17:00.009+01:00

The following list has nothing to do with my current state of mind because I'm actually feeling quite happy at the moment, but I've had this list in my YouTube favourites for a while now, and can't be asked to come up with anything new tonight. So without further ado, here are ten painfully beautiful songs that will make you want to curl up into a little ball and cry your tiny black heart out. Or eat a buttload of ice cream. Or both!

10. First up is "Letting the cables sleep" by Bush. I couldn't post the original video but this "Sin City" clip featuring the delicious Clive Owen should more than make up for that.

9. The next song is written from the perspective of a rapist and killer, but I love it nonetheless (or maybe it's what makes it great, I don't know). But here's Therapy with "Diane".

8. The next song was a big part of the musical salvation that elevated the movie "Cruel Intentions" from standard Hollywood remake disaster (Les Liaisons Dangereuses) to a halfway decent production. This clip is taken from the movie and has pretty people making the sexy. Here are Counting Crows with "Colorblind".

7. This lady is beyond weird, but I don't give a flying fiddle because this songs rocks! With a clip from "the Crow" here's Björk and "Play Dead".

6. I loved this song when I was a scrawny and awkward teenage snot, and I still do. One could argue that not much has changed except for the scrawny and teenage parts, but I like to think it's because good music stands the test of time. Here are the Smashing Pumpkins with "Disarm".

5. We're getting into serious tearjerking territory now, with the legendary Jeff Buckley. The tortured poet who tragically died before his time (just like his father) could easily be on this list five times without playing favourites. Here's "Lover you should've come over" live from Chicago in '95.

4. This song always humbles me. Its pure and modest message of hope has a way of making me appreciate all I have. Here's the very wise Tracey Chapman with "Fast Car".

3. I still can't watch this next clip without balling like a big Jessie. Here is the most powerful finale of a drama series I've ever seen, from "Six feet Under", with the fantastic soundtrack by Sia, "Breathe Me".

2. For all the dubious characteristics Prince possesses, there is no doubt he is one of the most talented songwriters alive today. Sung by the best looking bald lady ever, Sinead 'O Connor, this is "Nothing compares 2U".

1. I can't really put into words how much this song moves me, except that I can feel myself being physically stirred by it (hmm, I guess I can put it into words). I was never a big fan of the original by Nine Inch Nails (although Trent Reznor's lyrics are fantastic), but this version of "Hurt" by a bodily weakened but ever lion hearted Johnny Cash embodies everything that is great about music.

Soup hair

2009-03-02T11:36:00.009+01:00

I don't mean to alarm you, but, there is hair growing on my soup. Lush, thick, scary hair. Just a week ago it was green pea soup, and now it is hair soup, and possibly evil. I want to clean the pan, I really do, but I fear the mould might try to murder me in my sleep. If it does, avenge me. And if someone could say some really nice things about me at my funeral that would be great. Make me look good (lie!).

I guess I haven't been blogging much lately, but it's for a good cause. Over the last couple of weeks, my independant writing career has really taken off, and my biggest contract is a semi-permanent gig with a copy writing agency, run by a really cool and smart lady who I've tricked into becoming my mentor of sorts. So career wise things are definitely looking up.

As for my health; after surviving a killer flu (which felt like the plague) I am once again feeling fat and happy, and thanking the non existent gods that the hockey season has started again. I might have caught a ball with my face (what else is new), resulting in two weeks of looking like Chris Brown's girlfriend, but people have stopped staring at me on the subway so my black eye must have sufficiently faded. It did make for an excellent costume at Carnaval which I attended as a boxer, and where I had a blast!

So consider this my glorious return to the internet. Or not.

We'll see.

Because I love you

2009-03-02T11:34:00.003+01:00

We all know mondays bite big wind, so here are the Young Ones and the horrendously orange Cliff Richard, with "Living Doll".

You're very welcome...

Ten reasons why life is too great to worry about sucky people!

2009-02-17T10:47:00.011+01:00

This morning I woke up and decided to preemptively brighten a friend's dreary tuesday at work, because she's been in a bit of a bad break up funk lately. I emailed her ten reasons why life is too beautiful to be sad about mentally unstable manfolk, but if you are a straight male, feel free to change certain (body) parts to match your heart's desire.

1. Friends. The natural number one on the list and a beautiful phenomenon. You have a lot of them, and yours just happen to be very sweet, and funny, and great company. If a void is left in your life, just fill it with friends and you can be sure that only good things will come of it.

2. Being young and hot. This one is tricky, because the liquid evil known as your hormones might try to fill your head with the lying self image of a fat old troll. Don't believe it! You are a drop dead gorgeous spring chicken and also sex on a stick. Anyone claiming otherwise is a jealous, lying snot!

3. The weekend. Ah, the real reason us civilians endure our hellish working week is that tingly feeling we get when friday afternoon comes around. The giddyness, the bad jokes and the anticipation of things to come. Sleeping 'till noon, parties and good times with great people you've chosen yourself.

4. Food. Wheter it's a bowl of Ben & Jerry's with a bad movie, a three course meal with a hot date, or the divine eggs and bacon on a hungover morning, food rules! How it tastes, how it looks, how it smells. Yum! And since we are supposed adults, we can eat whatever we want, whenever we want!

5. Penises. It doesn't matter if you collect them, or have enjoyed only a small selection of favourites under your belt, they make your life better. These ultimate joysticks, which are, hopefully, attached to a great guy, are designed by nature to give women pleasure. Who are you to deny nature?

6. Sports. Doesn't it feel great to push yourself around on the field (the only place left where you can truly play like a child) or in the gym and then to get in a hot shower and feel that nice, satisfied, glowing in your muscles? Knowing that all the uglyness that naturally lives in our bodies (aggression, frustration, back fat) has been released in a healthy way.

7. Bitching, moaning and gossiping. Sometimes it feels so good to just let yourself go for a moment and snarl away like you're a surly, constipated geriatric and everythings sucks. Also great; talking smack about people who act even worse than you do. No matter how bad you get, you can rest in the knowledge that there is always a bigger moron out there (usually me).

8. Beauty. This one might seem a bit soft, but beauty is all around us. In music, books and films, but also in the little things. In the crisp winter air, in riding your bike down the street while the sun is reflected in the canals (okay maybe that one just works for me, but I'm sure you catch my drift). It's in the eyes of the people who care about you. In hope, in strength, in love, in you.

9. Humour. It's the life raft on which sanity floats, in a sea of injustice, pain and uglyness. No matter how bad things get, there's bound to be a brilliant punchline in there somewhere. Dare to laugh yourself and your fate in the face, and you will be a stronger, happier and funnier person for it.

10. Love. You got to taste what it feels like to truly be in love and it was taken away from you. This love may be over, but your love life is not. I am convinced there is someone (actually there might be several) out there with everything to give, who only needs to find someone like you to love. Until you meet, 1 through 9 are still very much worth the fuss.

It isn't the list I would have written for myself, but it's still a pretty good list of reasons not to be unhappy, and that was what I was going for. It's just too bad that the stuff that makes you want to hurl yourself off a cliff is usually funnier...

Obstinate Frenchies ram British nuclear sub, are snotty about it

2009-02-17T08:42:00.009+01:00

You know how people tell you that "what you don't know could fill a book". Ha! Talk about euphemisms... There's a frightening quantity of areas where my expertise is non existant, but thankfully I never let that prevent me from having an opinion on the subject. Take submarines for instance. I honestly haven't the foggiest (besides what you can learn from watching "Under Siege"). But it would seem to me that if you're going to be roaming the oceans in a metal tube containing nuclear warheads, that it might make sense to tell your friends about it. You know, so you don't accidentally slam into them and create a nuclear disaster...

How fucking stupid is that? A nuclear power, bound by friendly political alliances, international agreements and supposed shared national values can't be bothered to let it's atomic teammates know when it is sending WMD's on a pleasure cruise through international waters (even though this is common practice amongst NATO allies), because they are France and the rules don't apply to them. I think that stinks! It stinks like their delicious smelly smelly cheeses (yeah I went there). The French need to realise that they are no longer the superpower of yore, and have to play nice with the other kids in the European sandbox (as do the British for that matter).

The diplomatic world stage may have better days ahead with Obama kissing the boo-boos of past scoffings, but especially in these times of economic squalor, everbody is looking out for number one. No European country on it's own will be able to change much for the better, because the gravitas of military and economic power still lies elsewhere. That is why I truly believe that the European Union has the future of Europe. Politically, economically and even militarily. But for European integration to really work, a change of mentally is needed. If the bigger countries keep viewing the Union itself as a competing power and allow old world chauvinism to have a place in foreign policy, then the Union won't flourish. And neither will they.

The truth about crap

2009-02-12T06:10:00.004+01:00

Sometimes I think The Onion has completely lost the funny, and then they go and post something like this...

The indolent patient

2009-02-05T03:28:00.006+01:00

I feel like rubbish on toast, I smell like mould (at least I think I do, the vast amounts of mucus that keep erupting from my face prevent my nose from performing it's usual duties), and to top it all off, I look like death. I've diagnosed myself with "Screaming Bubonic Typhoid Ebolaflu" and am awaiting certain death. Goodbye cruel world!

...

Okay, so I may be exaggerating slightly, but this is the first time in days that I actually feel well enough to complain. Welcome to my pity party people, bring your own whine.

I promise to snap out of this funk post haste, as soon as my body returns to work. In the meantime here's the lovely Russel Howard with his own endearing and hilarious brand of stand up comedy.

There ain't but one way

2009-01-29T16:34:00.002+01:00

I've made my undying love and devotion for these two pretty clear, but allow me to repeat myself for a moment. Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie are the monkey shit!

Sean Paul must die!

2009-01-28T07:40:00.009+01:00

There's a lot of important and frankly horrible shit going down in the world right now, and for some reason the only thing I want to share today is my complete and utter hatred for musical abomination Sean Paul. Maybe it's because I've been stuck in jobhunt hell for weeks now, maybe it's because somehow it's morning already and I haven't slept yet, or maybe it's just because the man sucks so hard at music he makes my ears bleed.

Seriously, vapid pop stars are perfectly capable of producing bland, mildly catchy pop songs without this fuckstain bellowing "yo yo yo, baby girl" twenty-seven times through each chorus. He does the same stupid bit in every bloody song! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

Just stop working with him already. The man was even able to make a "Shaggy" song worse for crying out loud! Shaggy... Worse! Before I choke on my own fury, I'd better go and take a nap. Hopefully later today I'll be back and less, stabby...

Goodmorning Mr. President

2009-01-21T12:15:00.008+01:00

Michelle Obama: "Goodmorning Mr. President"

The 44th US President: "Goodmorning yourself, oh first of all ladies"

MO: "Did you sleep well?"

44th: "Like a baby. But then again you did wear me out last night... Was that a new trick with the snake thing?"

MO: "Yeah, I've been getting some pointers from Hillary. Girlfriend is a freak!"

44th: "I guess she'd have to be..."

MO: "So what's on the itinerary for today?"

44th: "Nothing much:

Solving the economic crises
Restoring international relations and alliances

Fixing the health care system

Bring peace to Palestine

Get the troops out of Irak

Unite and give hope

End world hunger

Create world peace

Desecrate the Oval Office with my hot ass wife

You know, no biggie..."

MO: "That's quite enough sex talk Mr. President. Time to get serious!"

44th: "You're absolutely right dear. Let's get cracking! So what are you going to do today?"

MO: "Call all my friends and tell them that I just nailed the mothereffing leader of the free world."

44th: "Good for you honey."

Bye bye and good day sir... I said good day!

2009-01-19T16:58:00.003+01:00

Dirty Sexy Money

2009-01-16T16:42:00.006+01:00

Remember how Larry Flint and Joe Francis asked for a porn bailout? Todger Talk's funniest writer "Mr. Sex" explains what a complete crock that is (as if you didn't know) here!

Quizlaw

2009-01-15T20:08:00.007+01:00

Since I share their hate/love relationship with stupid people and the shenanigans they get up to, the Quizlaw people have kindly asked me to contribute to their blog. So if you like random stories about the dumb, the bad and the flipping INSANE you might want to check it out.

www.quizlaw.com

How to outdouche a douchebag

2009-01-15T16:17:00.003+01:00

And now for something completely random: this little gem is very inappropriate but it got a laugh and a mild cringe out of me.

It's like an educational tool on how to handle that really annoying guy from work...

Maternity beef

2009-01-15T15:07:00.008+01:00

I never intended to write some sort of Feminist Manifesto from the Pants, but much like this article last month, the row over French Minister of Justice Rachida Dati's decision to return to work five days after giving birth has provoked some thoughts on the subject.

French women have a right to four months of maternity leave, but this right has never been applied in practice by female ministers. A proposal to replace them with a deputy for a 16-week interim period has been well received, after many criticed Dati's actions. Dati has a full-time nanny who can assist with childcare night and day, but no help from the father whose name she has never disclosed.

Let me just say that I think that maternity leave is a right every women should (but unfortunately doesn't) have, but to make it manditory to replace her in light of "protecting working women against themselves" is downright sexist. I have no beef with the proposal for a replacement deputy as long as it is presented as an option that she is free to take or leave. I've never thought about this before, but in The Netherlands maternity leave is manditory. If you would want to return to work earlier then you simply wouldn't be allowed to do so until six weeks after giving birth.

Now I understand that these laws are in place to protect women. You can't be pressured to come back to work sooner when the leave is manditory. But what if you wanted to? I have seen some friends after they'd just had babies and don't think I ever would, but I also understand where Dati is coming from. She is the Minister of Justice for Pete's sake, she has important shit to handle, and I would greatly appreciate it if everyone would just shut up and let her do her job.

She is a grown woman who got pregnant and decided to keep the baby. Entirely her business. She wants to raise the kid allone and won't share the father's name. Entirely her business. She has the resources to pay for a full-time around the clock nanny who helps her out whilst she goes back to work. Again, entirely her business.

If she had taken a longer leave or asked to be temporarily replaced that would also be fine with me. Just leave her alone already!

More music, less musings

2009-01-11T18:56:00.003+01:00

How could I not have any Muse videos up? Love, love, LOVE them and I don't even care that this sentence looks like it was typed by a sixteen year old. Anyhoodle, I'm crunching for part deux of my job interview tomorrow so I simply must dash, but I'll leave you with the brilliant "Knights of Cydonia"

and the beautiful "Muscle Museum"...

Hamas TV accidentally airs Softcore Porn

2009-01-09T16:47:00.008+01:00

This has to be my best unintentionally hilarious caption yet. Washington based MEMRI (Middle East media Research Insitute) stumbled upon the footage whilst conducting their "TV monitor project". The strict Islamic channel is commonly used by Hamas for broadcasting public messages and was airing live from the war zone when they suddenly interrupted their program with scenes featuring a nude blonde woman. Apparently the editor in charge, during a quiet moment, changed to a Polish channel with erotic programming, unaware that the audience was watching with him.

I'm just going to take a moment to bask in the poetic glory that is "fundamentalist terrorists accidentally air softcore porn". That just puts the whole ludicrous bunch in perspective doesn't it?

I'm willing to give my life to destroy your evil society of deprived moral values, but not right now because I'm watching some blond chicks get it on!

Ass

2009-01-09T15:30:00.005+01:00

Since the show has not been aired in the Netherlands, I didn't get got hooked on Dexter until very recently. With the first season now under my belt, I can honestly say it is a worthy addition to my personal drama/comedy series hall of fame.

In case you were wondering, the following are already in there (in no particular order):

Six Feet Under
The West Wing
Californication
The Office (both UK and US versions)
Rome
This Life (BBC, very old)
Cold Feet (BBC)
M*A*S*H

Honourable mentions for "Gavin and Stacey" and "House M.D.". I'm aware that there are a few great shows out there that I might like just as much (I personally have high expectations for "Mad Men" and "The Wire") but with my limited Dutch tv access I probably won't see any of them until 2010.

But we were talking about Dexter. The one character that really annoys me on that show is Sergeant Doakes, and not just because he is always on the lovely Dexter's case. It's the way he talks, it reminds me of something...

Resolution recipes

2009-01-08T15:02:00.012+01:00

After a period of extreme gluttony and sloth (aka the holidays), my body has kindly informed me that it would like me to shape the fuck up! It has done so with subtle hints such as; erupting volcanic growths on my face, giving me just enough energy to make it to work and back (but not one iota more), and this morning I spotted the beginnings of a muffin top when I put on my jeans. Charming!

So as much as I've enjoyed myself and don't feel the least bit guilty about it, I need playtime to be over for now. Especially since the second half of my hockey season is only weeks away and I have to be back on form by then. Since I personally don't believe in diets and don't much care to look twiglike (I'd rather be over here with the happy people thanks very much), you needn't worry about crappy bland "chicken breast with steamed broccoli" recipes on this here noble blog, but I will share some tasty favourites that are chock-full of veggies and other stuff that is supposedly good for you.

The recipes below are packed with flavour, but also quick and easy to make, because eating healthily does not mean you have to stop being lazy.

Dinners:

1. Sweet and spicy prawns with crunchy veggies and sticky rice.

- Peeled cocktail prawns (the recipe also works with chicken or beef chunks)

- Veggies, whichever you like. My favourites for this dish are; bok choi, red onion, been sprouts, sugar snaps and yellow pepper but feel free to play around with the ingredients.
- Thai sweet chili sauce

- Oyster sauce

- Sticky rice (Fair trade Pandan rice is great with this)

You cook the rice according to the instructions on the carton or a little longer for extra stickyness. When the rice needs 5 more minutes, you heat some sesame or peanut oil on a high flame in your wok or frying pan and chuck in the prawns (if they are raw, cook for about two minutes before adding the vegetables). Add the chopped up vegetables and a good dash of oyster sauce (the oyster sauce is salty, so measure the dash to your taste). Add the Thai sweet chili sauce, stir the pan and serve with the sticky rice whilst the veggies are still nice and crisp.

2. White fish fillet with forest mushroom stir fry and roasted tomatoes

- White fish fillet (I especially like Pangasius but any tender white fish will do)

- Cultivated mushrooms (preferably darker ones)

- Leeks

- Red onion

- Small tasty tomatoes on stem

- Garlic

- Lime

Put the tomatoes in a bowl and stick them in the oven. Cut the leeks, mushrooms and onions and fry them in some olive oil, season to taste (I always like a little oregano and thyme in addition to salt and pepper). Crush or chop the garlic and rub the fish with it, don't be shy with fresh sea salt and pepper. Fry the fish in some olive oil with the garlic and when it is golden squeeze the lime over it. Serve the fish on the veggies and finish with the pretty roasted tomatoes from the oven.

Snacks:

3. Pita bread with fresh guacamole

- Pita bread

- Avocado

- Garlic

- Lime

Toast the pita bread in the oven or toaster. Put the avocado in a bowl, add garlic, lime juice and fresh pepper and sea salt to taste, stir. Put the fresh guacamole on the hot pita bread, devour.

4. Arugula and tomato salad with mozzarella

- Arugula

- Tomatoes

- Mozzarella

- Pesto

Chop the arugula, tomatoes and mozzarella, add a tablespoon of green pesto, mix and Bob's your uncle. More into hot snacks? No problem! Get some sour dough or really dark bread, cover with the above concoction and stick it in the oven until the mozzarella has melted.

5. Green greens soup

- Broccoli

- Zucchini
- Leeks

- Onions

- Parsley

- Celery leaves

- Lean minced beef

- Beef bouillon cubes

- 1 egg

- Vermicelli

Put a pan of water on and (depending on quantity) add bouillon cubes. Mix the egg with the minced beef and season generously. Proceed to roll little balls and plonk them in the pan. Chop all your veggies and herbs and add them as well. Bring the heat down to a simmer and go entertain yourself for about an hour. Finally add the vermicelli, taste, season to taste and serve (once the vermicelli is soft).

So there you have it, five delicious recipes that won't add to your ass. I especially like the soup, because you can only make a whole pan, so you're good for yummie snacks the entire week. And if you have some unexpected guests, just add some bread et voilà, full bellies all around.

Tackypallooza

2009-01-08T13:31:00.006+01:00

After experiencing some mild peer pressure I've decided to cave and join the Tackypallooza challenge, a contest to find the most ridiculously tacky image available on the interwebs. You asked for it people! Feast your eyes on this:

I'm glad you asked... Yes I do believe those are two dragons DP-ing the exhaust pipes on a purple car. The image may have been redacted, but I think you crazy kids can still see the intent through the subtle positioning of horny green dragon and "hung like a horse" brown dragon. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go and perform a frontal lobotomy on myself...

100

2009-01-06T16:55:00.002+01:00

So I've just come back from the interview. I can't really tell you how it went because I don't want to jinx myself, but I did talk a lot. Let's just say it went better than this:

Anyway, this is my 100th post!

That is all...

Life is like a box of condoms...

2009-01-05T13:18:00.021+01:00

So I'm on pins and needles today because I have a BIG job interview tomorrow and need to become smart, competent and charming overnight, after having been on 'energy saving mode' for the last week. It's good to feel this excited about something again although it does mean that I'm a bit on edge now. I found myself inwardly cursing the slow people in front of me on my way to work this morning and I had to refrain from rolling my eyes and sighing loudly with discontent like the twelve year old I secretly am. I mean, I get that cycling on ice might be a bit frightening for some, but if you're too scared to pick up speed, just take the bloody bus already! It's the hesitation that'll make you fall (or other people's irratic movements, or breaking, and corners of course).

I personally find the possibility of a crippling nose dive exhilarating. Especially when I get to watch other people involuntarily kiss a face full of pavement. That is not very nice of me I know, but I've provided the world with my fair share of clumsy and painful moments so I don't have to feel guilty when I laugh at the old lady who accidentally gets hit in the head with a frisbee, or the beautiful bride with bird crap in her hair.

I remember experiencing the most perfect moment of Schadenfreude on my ski-trip last year. We'd had a great day on the slopes and were enjoying hot rum, good food and bad jokes at an outdoor bar when our bliss was suddenly tainted by the ugly cries of a spoiled fat kid and his overbearing fussfaced mother. The little snot was apparently unimpressed by the perfect snow, clear sky and lush banquet in front of him, because he was throwing a temper tantrum that would make Shannen Doherty blush. I was just about to hurl my ski boot at his unsightly face when the magic happened. A giant slab of fluffy snow suddenly slid from the roof turning him and his high chair into a giant frozen popsicle. Ha! Naturally he cried even harder after that but it was still totally worth it.

Of course having said all that, and knowing my luck, I probably just succesfully jinxed my journey home and ensured that I have to do the interview with a broken nose and a busted lip. After all: Life is like a box of condoms. Smelly, uncomfortable, and you never know what you're going to get (when the fuckers inevitably break).

* That being said, even though condoms are a hassle, they are a nececety and the fare is very much worth the ride. So kids: "don't be daft, wrap your shaft!"

Screw the poor!

2009-01-04T15:41:00.004+01:00

Every country has nutjobs like these and the worst part is, people actually vote for them! Making evil look silly, here's Rick Mayall with a highly quotable speech from "the New Statesman";

Mercy

2009-01-03T19:02:00.008+01:00

Today protesters all over the world marched against the Israeli bombings of Gaza. I wasn't one of them, but I agree that we should condemn these violent attacks which are costing many innocents their lives. The state of Isreal has the right to try and protect its citizens, but it continues to abuse its military powers to needlesly punish the Palestinian people and aggravate a conflict that already seems too complex to solve.

There is much sympathy in the West for the problems the Israeli government faces, especially in this age of fundamentalist terrorism and islamophobia, but at some point they have to be held accountable for their inhumane treatment of the Palestinians. There is no doubt that there are those that seek the destruction of Isreal and I am not trying to belittle that fact, but to pull out the old cliché; two wrongs can't make a right. Being critical of Israeli actions does not mean you are anti semitic, it means you view the state of Isreal as a mature and civilised nation that needs to behave as such.

For too long the international guilt over the holocaust has coloured our vision of the Isreali/Palestinian conflict, but the lesson that we apparently learned from those atrocious crimes is the wrong one. We should not strive just to protect our own, we should always keep the humanity of others in mind, and weigh our interests to those of the people around us. If you base your decisions solely on your own interests and the outcome results in something that is unacceptable to those around you, you can be sure that trouble is ahead. Fundamentalism and terrorism flourish only where nothing else does. Give the Palestinians a chance to build something resembling a decent living and they will fight to protect what they have. Against political instability, against violence, against terrorism. But they will need something to lose first...

How to treat your woman

2009-01-02T18:43:00.005+01:00

Well said sir, well said indeed!

A design for life

2008-12-31T18:56:00.010+01:00

Yeah I'm still here, not to worry. I gave myself the best Christmas present ever this year, which was permission to do whatever the hell I felt like for a few days and nothing else. For the last week or so I have given in to my every impulse, be it nutricious, alcoholic, carnal or cinematic and I must say I feel fantastic! A little gluttonous perhaps, but very relaxed and generally happy eating pizza, watching shitty movies and rolling around in my own filth with fellow deviants and their cats.

But tomorrow a new dawn will break and the year 2009 shall commence. Let's make this the year I finally get my shit together! Here are my new year's resolutions:

Get a proper grown-up job that doesn't make me miserable and enables me to finally transcend my student-like lifestyle

Grow the hell up and do some of the stuff that all my more mature and successful friends are doing, because it seems to work for them

Become immune to advances from very hot but ultimately douchey little boys

Write more and make sure that people actually get to read it for a change

Become a morning person

Figure out a way to scrape some money together and start travelling again

Make a list of all the stuff I always wanted to do, pick three of these things and actively try to make them happen

Please keep reading to see if I can keep these resolutions. I´m very happy that this experiment is turning out so well and I´ll try my damndest to get better. Even though I still sometimes feel like a daft git posting the contents of my confused little brain online (in my second language, which I still find a challenge because Dutch humour does NOT translate well at all), I am very thankful for your visits, comments and emails. Have a fantastic 2009 everyone and remember to bleed that sucker for all she´s worth, because when that ACME anvil suddenly drops from the sky, you don´t want the film that flashes before your eyes to be boring!

Muppets are the new black

2008-12-25T15:13:00.004+01:00

It's Christmas day and I am still in a ridiculously good mood. I had a great time last night and was miraculously spared a hangover thanks to my parent's expensive taste in wine. Dinner preparations for tonight's feast are in full swing now, and my dad and I are entertaining ourselves by mercilessly teasing my grandfather who is (temporarily) in a wheelchair and daring him to do wheelies in our living room (mockery is my family's healthy antidote against self pity).

Just in case your Christmas bites big wind, here are two of my favourite things in one video; R.E.M. and Muppets, with "Furry Happy Monsters".

How to be gorgeous

2008-12-24T12:47:00.002+01:00

I warned you about the warm and fuzzy! Get ready to bask in the glory and eloquence of the cuddliest man alive, Stephen Fry!

My Christmas wish for you is for everything to be gorgeous and high and true and fine and fluffy and moist and sticky and lovely!

MONSTRA MIHI PECUNIAM

2008-12-23T13:17:00.007+01:00

I'm taking a very short break from my Christmas glee to share with you a very eloquent article by Arianne Huffington on the origins of the current economic crisis and the state of global capitalism, where she explains why the so-called free market economy can't possibly heal itself. A quick quote:

"Wall Street got drunk," he says (G.W. Bush). Maybe so, but who made the last 8 years Happy Hour, and kept serving up the drinks?"

Well said indeed! It is a strange thing to watch conservatives all over the world defend a system that has clearly failed. Communism didn't work because people need incentive to push themselves, because completely leveling the playing field apparently robs people of their ambitions. But to make the whole game about that proverbial carrot on a stick is equally ludicrous. First of all, a completely free market does not exist. All governing bodies try to influence economic relations to some extent by taxing or subsidizing trade to their own benefit, thereby falsifying competition.

But secondly and more importantly, the whole theoretic construction behind free market capitalism is flawed. Huge profits can only be made based on exploitation. Big companies rely on corrupt governments to sell them their natural resources for peanuts, ensuring enormous turnovers and at the same time strengthening regimes that have to rely on mililtary force to remain in power. The current crisis may not be a direct result of these specific actions (because those victims live in countries that no-one gives a shit about anyway), but it's that same greed and focus on profit above all else that made our bankers take the risks that got us into this mess.

Gesundheit!

2008-12-23T12:22:00.005+01:00

The Santa myth isn't really such a big thing over here, since we already have "Sinterklaas" on December 5th (a complicated story which I will share another time, I promise). As such, we don't see a lot of elves on display, which is a shame because they can be pretty cute (or annoying, depending on which Christmas movie you watch). Anyhoodle, Steve over at "The Sneeze" has listed these creatures' five super powers here. Check it out for some sweet Christmas giggles.

The Sappy Express

2008-12-22T11:00:00.013+01:00

Something weird is going on. I've never been a very christmassy type of person. I HATE the rabid buy-crazy masses that flood the city throughout December. I don't particularly enjoy stuffing my face until I slip into a food induced coma, or explode from sheer gluttony, whichever comes first. And Christmas carols? That would be my Guantanamo torture music...

But somehow, this year, I find myself suffering from a severe case of the seasonal merries and looking forward to an old fashioned Christmas with family and friends. Maybe it's because it has been a while. Two years ago my family had the shittiest Christmas ever and last year I was making merry on a South African beach in a bikini, which was admittedly fantastic, but didn't really feel like Noël.

So now suddenly fake snow and tacky lighting are able to make me smile. I really look forward to spending quality time with my loved ones, cooking, drinking and yes overeating together. So be prepared for a short vacation from the usual misanthropy and bitchiness, because this week I'm all about the warm and fuzzy. And also the delicious because it looks like I'll be cooking my ass off and might be willing to share.

I spit on your shoe!

2008-12-19T16:26:00.004+01:00

Whatever! I think that Muntadar al-Zaidi dude is a total pussy. He didn't even hit Bush and then had to walk home barefoot. What kind of weak-ass statement was that?

I would have used my bra as a slingshot and at least popped his eye out!

If the shoe hits

2008-12-18T17:54:00.013+01:00

Hahahahaha! This is sheer awesomeness, via Deus ex Malcontent here's:

The "Hit George Bush in the face with your shoe" Game!

Homosexuality against nature, MY ASS!!!

2008-12-17T15:46:00.031+01:00

I pretty much figured this week couldn't get any better when "swaffelen" (the Dutch verb for dickslap in the face - yes, only the Dutch would invent a verb for such an action) became word of the year 2008 on tuesday, and I scored a major interview for a potentially AWESOME job at the Green Party today, but then I read this! *slow clap and approving head nod*
Gay penguins...

Gay penguins who are parents...

Gay penguins who are better parents than heterosexual penguins...

Squee!

I'm sorry but isn't that just a wonderfully fat middle finger in the face of deluded figures who live under the mistaken impression that there is anything wrong or unnatural about being gay. Like this crap. Oh the irony! Seriously, there is nothing I enjoy more than stupid people being proven wrong by science, nature, or GAY PENGUINS! I can't stop saying it, it's just too freaking hilarious!

So there you have it. Reason number 72.693.639.078 why proposition 8 is a criminal injustice that must be overturned ASAP!

Gay penguins... They're here, they're queer, get used to it!

How not to do it

2008-12-16T16:17:00.003+01:00

Proving the abstinence movement is full of shit, here are Fry, Laurie, French and Atkinson, demonstrating safe sex.

The future is now!

2008-12-15T11:01:00.016+01:00

I was watching Top Gear last night and it seems they've finally pulled it off. Honda have made a hydrogen fueled car that actually works.

"The fuel cell combines hydrogen with oxygen to make electricity. The electricity then powers the electric motor, which in turn propels the vehicle. Water is the only byproduct the FCX Clarity leaves behind."

It may not be very good looking, but the thing isn't butt ugly either, and since it (hopefully) represents the future, there's definitely no shame in being seen in one. The lovely Jamie Lee Curtis (yet another reason why this lady is hot shit) is front runner in this operation, so if the DiCaprio's and Jolie-Pitts could follow suit that would be great, because then it won't be long before affordable (and newer, less ugly) models will be available to us mere mortals. We have to start somewhere people! Apparantly it's at the Honda dealer, who'd have thunk it?

Geef mij nu je angst (Give me your fear now)

2008-12-15T01:08:00.021+01:00

My life in music!

Pajiba eloquents Jeremy and Sofia have recently posted this little game on their blogs and it looked like so much fun that I've decided to join in and put my faith in the awesome powers of shuffle.
Here's how it works:

1. Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Jump! Jump! - I guess if I were in a particularly evil mood it's a possibility.

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
The end is the beginning is the end - And we're off to an excellent start! I don't know what the BLEEP that is supposed to mean but it can't be good.

3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY?
Tree little pigs - That doesn't sound quite right. Not the little part anyway...

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Like a prayer - Replace "a prayer" with "I've been trampled by a herd of mad cows" and you might be getting close.

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
I like what you say - So my life's purpose is brown-nosing?

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Pissing in the wind - Damned skippy!

7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Plush - Like a muppet? I could live with that.

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Hate this and I’ll love you - Qué?

9) WHAT IS 2+2?
Olivers army - Yeah I got nothing...

10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Kids with guns - She does tend to shoot her mouth off. Ha!

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Foundations - I do like 'em grounded.

12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Miss world - HAHAHA! Shuffle are you high?

13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Stuck in the middle with you - That's actually a great line! Now for someone to try it on...

14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I want more - Makes sense.

15) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Broad Daylight - Is that good?

16)WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Schism - Tool, the ultimate wedding band.

17) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Zeg me dat het niet zo is (Say it isn’t so) - Because it's just no fun without the Pants!

18) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Underneath your clothes - Cheeky!

19) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Valerie - Fine! I love Amy Winehouse. I don't care that she's a foul mouthed, drugged up, out of control skank. She has more talent in her emaciated pinky than Miley Cyrus, her dad and their inevitable inbread offspring combined and I really hope she can pull herself together.

20) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
High and Dry - They do pretty well for themselves and I'm very proud of them.

21) WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Muhammed Ali - Parkinson's sucks!

22) HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Awful - Anvil on the head right? I knew it!

23) WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Everlong - As in always procrastinating and losing out perhaps?

24) WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Hungry like the wolf - Eighties hairstyles and outfits do crack me up. Have you seen that video?

25) WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Ex-girlfriend - Not anymore it doesn't!

26) WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Coming in from the cold - So, yes?

27) WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Spectacle - Indeed, except when it entertains me.

28) DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Amerika - Why thank you, you're pretty aces yourselves!

29) IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Blauw (Blue) - I would keep the smurfs but perhaps rethink that blue streak in my hair at fourteen.

30) WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Me and my monkey - Yeah monkey, get off my back!

31) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Geef mij nu je angst (Give me your fear now) - It wasn't that scary actually.

32) HOW DOES THE WORLD SEE YOU?
Praise you - Score!

33)WILL I HAVE A HAPPY LIFE?
Letting the cables sleep - ...

34)WHAT DO MY FRIENDS REALLY THINK OF ME?
Evil ways - Nuh uh, I'm a marsmellow, a twinkie!

35) DO PEOPLE SECRETLY LUST AFTER ME?
Tell me in the morning - After I've had my wicked way with them?

36) HOW CAN I MAKE MYSELF HAPPY?
Voodoo people - Won't that mess up my karma?

37)WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE?
Push it - Shut up! I'm working on it...

38) WILL I EVER HAVE CHILDREN?
Wat wil je doen (What do you wanna do) - Well I don't know, that's why I asked you stupid. Djeez!

39) WHAT IS SOME GOOD ADVICE FOR ME?
Going to the run - Where the hell is that supposed to be?

40) HOW WILL I BE REMEMBERED?
Unknown - There goes my legacy...

41) WHAT IS MY SIGNATURE DANCING SONG?
Falling in Love - Old school Aerosmith, excellent!

42)WHAT DO I THINK IS MY CURRENT SIGNATURE SONG?
Cigaretts and alcohol - Minus the cigarettes.

43) WHAT DOES EVERYONE THINK MY SONG IS?
Another one bites the dust - That'll do pig, that'll do.

44) WHAT TYPE OF MEN DO YOU LIKE?
Jeremy - WTF, how did this happen?

45) WHAT IS MY DAY GOING TO BE LIKE?
Guitar - Well, I'm off to bed now but I would love to start my monday morning with a great Prince song!

Friday fuzzy folly

2008-12-12T15:27:00.002+01:00

God I love the muppets, and Beethoven, and fridays. Enjoy!

Where I'd rather be

2008-12-12T15:11:00.006+01:00

My favourite asthmatics in the world, here are "Weezer" with "Island in the Sun". (apologies for the gritty sound quality)

Friday conundrum

2008-12-12T13:33:00.015+01:00

It's not exactly news that things are bad in Zimbabwe at the moment. People are dying from hunger or disease and all help is refused at the border because Mugabe fears he'll be removed from power under the guise of humanitarian aid. The land reform legislation (forcing all but a few white farmers off their land) has made sure that the food production has grinded to a screaching halt. Originally intended to even the economic imbalance that was (among other things) the result of apartheid rule, these controversial measures brought famine and disease back to Zimbabwe, where an ever more delusional dictator refuses to let go of the reins.

As we speak the Cholera epidemic is quickly spiraling out of control and the call for action is becoming louder with every cry. Since it is highly unlikely that Robert Mugabe will resign (he is an old school despot, who is empire of his own imaginary world where problems will disappear if you just denounce them, cover your ears and scream;"LALALA SHUT UP LALALA I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT LALALA" at the top of your lungs. And maybe shoot bearers of bad news in the face), the inevitable"I" word has come up, "intervention".

The international community is stuck between a rock and a hard place. Past experiences with interventions have been messy at best, but since the Rwandan egg is still on our collective faces we can hardly stand idly by. There is no doubt that Robert Mugabe is a loathsome and evil wretch who is running Zimbabwe into the ground, but what (realistically) are our options as outsiders?

Scenario one: we send in troops to remove him from office and put Morgan Tsvangirai (the opposition leader who presumably should have won the recent and higly suspect "democratic" elections) in charge.

Scenario two: we take him out plain and simple. Just pay some sleazy hitman a few bucks, put a bullet in his head and never speak of it again. The Russians can probably help with this option...

Scenario three: we do nothing. I mean, we apply political pressure and try to persuade him to resign (same thing really).

Since all three options have a reasonable expectation of resulting in civil war, I'm withholding judgement on this one for now, but someone needs to get on this pronto! Or my Kruger tourguide will have been right, when he said: "Jesses, Zim es fucked hey".

For more information on Zimbabwe (and the current crisis) you can click on the links below, or read Peter Godwin's fantastic novels "Mukiwa" and "When a crocodile eats the sun".
http://www.economist.com/daily/news/displaystory.cfm?story_id=12780907

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/africa/article5321378.ece

Arse bandit!

2008-12-11T21:30:00.004+01:00

Since I neglected to do anything in support of my gay brethren yesterday (on Day Without A Gay), let me shine a tardy light on them now, by way of the two single finest men that have ever wandered this peculiar planet; Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie. This is some of their early stuff and I'll probably be posting more clips like these soon since they're sheer brillance!

Don't you just love them? I seriously want Stephen Fry to adopt me, and Hugh Laurie... (sigh), I could make many a hardened streetwench blush with the filthy things I'd like to do to him!

Belgian Caramel

2008-12-11T21:13:00.003+01:00

I haven't been able to hide that I'm going through a major nineties phase musically. So here are Belgian brotherly sensation Soulwax with some delicious "Caramel" (unsurprisingly from their '96 album; Leave the Story Untold).

Must be my period...

2008-12-11T10:01:00.016+01:00

On monday Alex Leo listed the "five sexist trends the advertising world just can't shake" condemning imagery suggesting; bondage, rape, "sluts", girl on girl action and cum shots.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alex-leo/five-trends-the-advertisi_b_149354.html

I have to admit that even though I agreed with the article, I wasn't offended by the visual examples at first glance. Not because I couldn't see the sexist message that was implied, but rather because my feminist indignation isn't as easily inflamed as it used to be. (Or maybe I've been exposed to so many misogynistic images in my life that I have grown numb.)

However, this doesn't mean I don't get annoyed about sexism when I see it play out in real life (as opposed to the advertising world, which is apparantly run by manchildren who live to depict their every pathetic adolescent fantasie, concocted back when they were crying in their crusty tissues because Janey from next door wisely refused their dry humping advances).

All over the world women are being abused, raped, forcibly restricted in their development and even robbed of their clitori. Fortunately I live in a society where these things are rightfully condemned and are punishable by law, a society where women and men are supposed equals, but we aren't quite there yet. So to speed the healing along, here are five things I believe men and women alike (in my opinion anti-feminist females are more harmful to the emancipation process than any man could ever be) can do to help.

1. Stop telling me what I think and like.

One of the joys of being a citizen of the free world is that you are allowed to make up your own mind. This extends to tastes and opinions on all subjects and "quelle surprise"; different people like different things! Just last week my team mates and I were cornered by a particularly dim bulb who kept explaining to us "what women think". Efforts to convince this tadpole from the shallow end of the gene pool that we, being women, might have some valid viewpoints on the subject, remained without result. He must have acquired his quality information from "Ruffles and Roofies Dating Monthly" because he also kept offering us disgusting looking pink drinks... We finally had to distract him with something shiny so we could escape back to the bar, but I guess my point is this: We don't all like barbie dolls, gold and hairspray, so if you want to know what I think, ASK ME!

2. Stop claiming lust as an exclusively male emotion.

Women are sexual beings, period. We don't "put out" to land a boyfriend or please our man, we have sex because we are lovely, healthy, horny creatures who know how to utilate the gifts with which nature supplied us for our own pleasure. And because it's the most fun cardio work out known to man...

3. Stop telling me I'm fat.

Seriously, I know this one has been discussed Ad nauseum, but there's a difference between fat (=unhealthy) and normal (=healthy). I'm not exactly a twig, but I'm no wide load either and I resent the fact that my tv tries to make me feel guilty about eating. When you're 25 and still a size zero, chances are you are starving yourself and thereby making sure you won't live very long. When you can't touch your own toes because you've inhaled enough fast food to clog up the Mississippi river, you're at the other wrong end of the scale. These things are fairly obvious. We know our bodies and especially don't need to be told how we compare to retouched magazine covers by the media and our boyfriends. When walking along the city my ex-boyfriend remarked that a passing very lovely and healthy looking girl had a fat ass. All the blood drained from my face and as I turned around, I yelled; "NO, YOU HAVE A FAT ASS!!!" Not the most creative comeback, but he in fact did. So fat blokes (and everyone else) shut up! If you like stick figures so much go marry a broom.

4. Stop dividing us between smart and pretty.

The two aren't mutually exclusive and it's wrong to make little girls think they have to choose. The past U.S. elections have shown us that even the 'serious' media are not above such stereo typing. I'll grant you that Sarah Palin is not the sharpest tool in the shed, but Hillary Clinton is certainly no Freddy Kruger. The abuse she took about her appearance was evidence of a resentment that had little to do with her abilities as a politician. Furthermore, she was made to feel like she had to downplay her feminine qualities in order to be taken seriously as a leader. It is time that a more responsible choice is made by those who are narrating our history, so we can finally discuss what she is saying, instead of what she is wearing...

5. Start learning the difference between giving a compliment and being condescending.

It's one thing to show your admiration, but please don't pat me on the back for the tiniest example of brain activity. Yes I am little, yes I am blond, yes I have big boobs. This is where the blow up doll resemblance ends. I did not choose this look, this is how I came out of the box, deal! If you underestimate me because of my looks, that is your problem. Mathematically speaking, chances are I'm smarter than you. So the next time you compliment me for doing a fool's job well, be prepared for an excogitated lesson, in pain!

Cute overload

2008-12-05T00:23:00.006+01:00

If ever there was a way to melt my cold black heart, I'm sure Billy Elliot would know how.

Watch this endearing and painfully cute clip from the movie, where little Billy releases his frustration through DANCE DANCE DANCE!!! Be sure to crank up the volume because "A Town Called Malice" by The Jam just might be the best way possible to kick off your weekend.

The Prince of Punk

2008-12-03T12:06:00.008+01:00

I hope you'll forgive my neglectfulness of this blog over the last few days, but the truth is that I've been so wrapped up with other stuff lately, that I really didn't have anything interesting to say. So I decided to completely go against my nature and just shut the hell up for a bit.

Instead I offer you this wonderfully condescending fairytale by Jo Brand, about the Prince who put frogs to shame. Sid Vicious, Prince of Punk! Revered by teenage wannabe rebels (I shamefully admit that there was a time when I actually put a safety pin through my ear... Yes I was pathetic!), unwashed rodents like "Donny Tourette", and fans of auto-mutilation, heroin and bad music alike.

Why do only the good die so young? For shame...

Make with the carrot or die!

2008-11-28T02:07:00.009+01:00

I saw this Pixar short at the movies a few months ago and laughed my little butt off! I can totally relate to this hungry bunny. I pity the fool who dares to step between me and my lunch...

Best music video ever?

2008-11-27T23:23:00.003+01:00

Judge for yourself, over a decade later, and still arguably the best (certainly the coolest) music video ever made, not to mention a damn good song. (Reason number 6.254 why my mum is the coolest chick on the planet; she actually owns this album -OK Computer-) Here's Radiohead with "Paranoid Android".

And for an added bonus, here they are again with the beautiful "Street spirit (fade out)".

Meanwhile in South Africa

2008-11-25T14:49:00.004+01:00

So we're all nice and giddy that Obama (aka the good guys) won, but at the same time, history is taking a giant step back in the Rainbow Nation. The election of Jacob Zuma has caused the ANC to split, and the political war between these former allies is seemingly sucking up all the energy that should be going into solving South Africa's very serious and numerous problems.

It's been over fourteen years since majority rule was established and South-Africa freed itself from the shackles of apartheid. The country has been triumphant in many ways. Its people were able to forgive the unforgivable and establish a sense of unity amongst very recent combatants. South Africa has become a shining example for the other countries on the African continent, but there is still a long way to go. After all this time its painfully obvious to everyone that the rich are stil rich, and the poor are becoming ever more desperate. The still fresh wound of history and the growing unrest about this giant gap between the haves and the have nots, combined with fear and frustration about the impossibly high crime and Aids numbers, have created an atmosphere where a controversial figure like Jacob Zuma could rise to power. And that doesn't predict much good for South-Africa's future.

Zuma is a man who has stood trial for rape and several times for corruption. Who believed that a shower afterwards meant sufficient Aids prevention. Who claims that the ANC is chosen by god to rule 'his' country until the second coming of Christ, and who cannot separate his religious beliefs from his responsibilities as leader of the (secular!) African National Congress. This is the man who inspires the ANC Youth League, an ever louder voice on the rapidly desintegrating political stage. A stage where the (unintentional) "farce" seems to be the performance of choice.

It probably needs to get worse before it can get better, but let's hope they can pull a Nelson once more and prove to all of us that "Yes they can" as well...

Say what!?!

2008-11-24T15:32:00.003+01:00

In an attempt to shred whatever confidence the world may have had left in his mental health and sense of reality, (thank FUCK we're almost rid of him) soon to be ex-president Bush claims to be 'very pleased' with the outcome of the Iraq war.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20081123/pl_afp/usiraqmilitarybush

Dude is clearly trippin'!

Winter wondering

2008-11-24T11:10:00.014+01:00

The weather has adapted itself to the darkness in my mind. Since receiving truly awful news on thursday night I've been living in a daze. My thoughts are like angry Guantanamo prison guards, whipping me back to reality whenever I dare to drift off into kinder regions of my consciousness. The temporary bliss of forgetting is always swiftly followed by the punishment of guilt. Fairness and justice have forsaken us. I have never been more sure that a god cannot exist.

For the first time in years winter feels like itself. Blistering cold, shrill winds and snow force us indoors, and as we huddle together with hot chocolate and board games, we develop Stockholm Syndrom for the hostage taker sent to us by nature itself. Sunday, usually a day for athletics and leisure, finds us confused, as the playing fields are snowed over and we wander the city aimlessly in our sweatpants, bewilderd by the disruption in our weekend routine.

The supermarket shelves are cleaned out of their chocolate milk and apple pie contents. We are creatures of habit, and the pavlovian response to cold presents itself as a sugar craving. We are cold, we are hungry, and we don't want to be alone.

Monday morning bares the ugly face of a winter hangover. The beautiful white blanket that embraced the landscape last night has disappeared, leaving nothing behind but brown slush and half melted snowmen standing lob-sided and alone in the city parks like forgotten statues of heroes past (after they've suffered a cripling apoplectic stroke). For a minute it looks like winter has left us already, to make way for the dreary autumn rains that now seem to last all year round. But as I make my way to work, the wind picks up and my vision is quickly blurred by thick snowflakes that coat the world with white. How I wish they would cover my minds eye...

Fearless in the kitchen

2008-11-20T15:30:00.005+01:00

I've put in a little guest appearance on my friend Karen's foodblog; "Fearless in the Kitchen". Feel free to check it out, especially if you like your meatballs!

http://www.fearlessinthekitchen.com/2008/11/20/guest-post-joyces-meatballs/

Fancy talk

2008-11-20T12:03:00.013+01:00

Hehehe...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andy-borowitz/obamas-use-of-complete-se_b_144642.html

Gearing up music

2008-11-20T01:45:00.003+01:00

I'm going to sound like a big girl saying this, but I love to play these guys when I'm cleaning the house or getting ready to go out. I played them often when I used to DJ because it's great music to dance to as well and it never feels dated or worn out. So please enjoy The Chemical Brothers in a collaboration with the awesome asshat Liam Gallagher, with "Setting Sun".

Acting stupid

2008-11-19T14:56:00.017+01:00

I don't know what it is about those four little words that make them so ever powerful. I can't tell you how many times I have done something massively stupid and potentially very dangerous just because someone looked at me defiantly and said "You wouldn't dare!". Even now, at twenty-frigging-seven years old, people are able to make me do dumb stuff on a dare. When will it end? Probably never, because I suspect that I secretly just really want to do those things, even though I know I probably shouldn't. I use the dare to silence my better judgement.

There are basically two kinds of dares. The one where you do something that is very likely to kill (or at the very least injure) you, and the one that makes you behave inappropriately. Like a few weeks ago, when I saw this boy with very VERY low riding jeans, the kind where your whole arse is hanging out, and since he was wearing skintight, faded white boxers which were worn to a thread, there was nothing left to the imagination. Did I mention we were at a gay bar? Anyway, my friends and I were cracking jokes at the lad's backside and I mentioned I would love to walk up to him and hoist those trousers up... You can guess what happened next right? He did look a little confused, and I suppose it was a bit rude of me, but so was he in literally wagging his tail in all our faces.

The dares that could have landed me in the hospital are too numerous to recall, but there was one last year that was particularly reckless, and fun! I was traveling Southern-Africa at the time, and was staying in Coffee Bay on the Wild Coast (formally known as the Transkaai, one of the ten black "homelands" during apartheid). We were on a three hour hike which ended at "Hole in the wall" (pictured above). A massive rock about one kilometre out into the ocean. We were supposed to have a picknick there, but it wasn't long before we were planning our little adventure to swim to, climb and jump the hole. In the picture the sea looks quite tame, but I assure you that things near the hole were very scary indeed.

The first problem were the razor sharp rocks. Just walking (crawling more like) into the water was a very painful and akward looking experience, but once we got to the rock we realised we had seen nothing yet. Trying to climb onto it, we cut everything that touched the evil stones and their nasty little barnacle friends. And we touched them a lot, since the waves kept smashing us into them. Once we had made it to the platform from where we could climb inside the 14 meter high hole in the wall, we started to realise what we had gotten ourselves into.

There we all were, bleeding profusely and about the jump back into the most shark infested waters in the world and the Great White's home turf. Shit! And that was only if we managed to survive the perilous climb up into the hole and time our jump precisely so we wouldn't plummet to our deaths, or be hurled back on the rocks by an overenthusiastic wave. We had to hit the (hopully shark-free) wave precisely mid hole and drag our bloody bodies back to safety. Which we did. Except for this one giant tattood guy who got so scared for the jump that we had to borrow a child's canoe in order to get the big wuss back on dry land.

Best time ever!

I can't get no sleep...

2008-11-18T00:12:00.004+01:00

Don't you just hate it when you feel incredibly knackered and are in fact so tired, that it's impossible to get to sleep? Yeah me too! And when you do finally get to sleep, it's that feverish, restless, nightmarish kind that ensures the waking up part is even shittier than the (failing) getting to sleep part. Last night was a perfect example of such a hell night, and when the sand man finally found me, he filled my head with nightmares of my parents getting divorced. Nice one! Thanks for nothing asshole, and you can tell the tooth fairy to go suck it as well. That stingy bitch seriously stuffed me back in the day, it was totally not worth it to tie that string to the door...

Here's Pete Philly and Perquisite with their take on the subject that is "Insomnia".

Blurry

2008-11-17T23:07:00.010+01:00

What a week it has been!

Besides the fact that the world is still in economic turmoil, and the stupid people are going crazy over the first black guy to be in charge of their uneducated asses, Africa is swiftly approaching a second "African World War" (the first one being the second Congolese Civil War 1998-2003).

Closer to home, I watched as two of my former professors argued on tv (presumably unaware they were being filmed) about national politics, and one of them (now a spokesman of defense policies for one of the major political parties) accidentally aired out the party dirty laundry by claiming that his party leader lacked all vision and ideas. Auch! But VERY entertaining for me.

I nearly killed someone on the hockey pitch on wednesday, when I smashed the ball right into the back of some poor girl's neck (granted, the silly cow had no business standing in the goal as the exercise was to finish on goal by hitting the ball high and as hard as humanly possible), but I still felt kind of bad when they had to call an ambulance for her.

On friday I found out I didn't get a job interview I'd heard I was a shoe-in for, because someone who has a senior position there had been lobbying her butt off for me, so that was kind of a buzzkill. But a weekend of hardcore sports and debauchery soon erased that little scratch on my giant ego, and I subsequently threw down like it was 1999 (when I was eighteen and my body could still handle such devious behaviour).

So that's, in a nutshell, why things have been a leetle quiet around here, apologies...

Teletorture

2008-11-12T18:53:00.003+01:00

Let's face it. Everyone has wanted to do this at some point or other...

You had it coming! Especially you Lala, you know what you did...

I've no Obamafatigue what so ever

2008-11-11T17:06:00.005+01:00

Zapiro nails it again...

Little sister

2008-11-11T02:44:00.012+01:00

My snot-nosed little sister is moving in with her boyfriend and to a real grown-up people house. (That's her on the left, acting classy in Kuala Lumpur with my dad.) Besides the fact that I am truly happy for her, this event makes me feel quite old and a little inadequate. Since my digs don't come close to anything mildly resembling a "grown-up" residence, and my love life is, albeit interesting, hardly stable. But mostly it makes me a little melancholy, since there is no denying now that she, that we, in fact are growing up.

When we were little, we were for the most part mortal enemies. She had scratched my whole face open before she could even speak and had pushed me down the stairs by age five, and that was even before important matters as remote-control control became an issue. Being three years her elder, you'd expect the abuse to be coming from me, but she was one fierce little bugger. Actually, I'm pretty sure she could still take me, so I'd better check myself, before she wreckes myself...

It soon became clear that we would follow very different paths in life. Besides looking absolutely nothing alike (tiny, blond and fair-skinned versus an athletic and always tanned brunette), I had been earmarked as the resident smartass bookworm, and she was the roughneck who absolutely owned every sport she ever tried. Its funny (and in some cases very fortunate) how things can change, because whilst she is quite the foxy lady these days, back then, she put the boy in tomboy. Just as I am now pretty fanatic about sports, but was thoroughly rubbish and wholly uninterested as a child.

My sister however, was a star from the start at the football fields and tennis courts, and plays hockey to this day at a semi-professional level. She was able to excell at these sports because of her natural abillities but also her unbelievable discipline. A quality I wish I had some more off, and that has made her surpass this old bookworm in academic achievements. I am a college drop-out and she is one kick-ass physiotherapist in the making. Suffice to say I am very proud of her, especially since she has many other great qualities like; the best dolphin impression I have ever heard (she can basically do the entire zoo), the ability to dance off-beat (it's freaking hard, just try it) and the fact that she is probably willing to push out some grandkids in the next few years, taking the pressure off me (thanks chica, I owe you one!).

So to celebrate this momentous occasion here's one of our shared favourites, Everlast with, "What it's like".

In memoriam

2008-11-11T02:09:00.010+01:00

Africa's songbird has sadly passed away this sunday. Also known as "Mamma Africa", Miriam Makeba was an exceptional singer and activist, exhiled from South Africa during the Apartheid rule, and a symbol for the extraordinary history of her country and its people. Her last performance was at 'Castel Volturno' in Italy, a concert in protest of the mafia-like organisation called the Camorra, where she collapsed whilst completing her life's work.

Here she is performing "Soweto Blues".

Monday night lullaby

2008-11-10T23:49:00.004+01:00

This is such an incredible song. Please take a moment to listen to Nick Cave's beautiful "Into my arms".

To the guy who pissed through my mail slot

2008-11-09T23:17:00.019+01:00

Dear Sir Leaks-a-lot,

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for sharing the contents of your bladder with me and my hallway. Incontinence is a very serious issue, that until today had escaped my much deserved attention, but your vigilant nocturnal action has put your poignant sorrow front and centre.

Being sympathetic to your problem, I understand your desperate cry for help. However, I must object to your method. You see powerful as that statement was, it was also quite unhygienic and an unpleasant discovery for me. And I feel I am forced to halt your activism at this moment, in fear of having my front door smeared with feces, as I suspect you might also be suffering from severe poopie pantsitis.

Since a cure for these afflictions is yet to be found, I would like to bestow some relief upon you. In lieu of providing you with adult daipers (let's face it, those things only remind you of your misery in a very uncomfortable and -dare I say it- unsexy manner), I declare a pox on you, hopefully resulting in your swift demise and putting an end to your suffering.

Yours in dry dreams,

Pants

Still riding the high!

2008-11-09T23:10:00.002+01:00

Random inappropriateness

2008-11-09T22:55:00.008+01:00

This post is as obtuse as it is entertaining and it elevated the status of my knicker contents from slightly moist, to wet (random Top Gear reference anyone?) from laughing so hard.

Victory music

2008-11-05T14:34:00.003+01:00

"It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life. For me. And I'm feeling good!"
Here's Nina Simone, like me, "Feeling good".

President-elect Obama's speech

2008-11-05T06:45:00.003+01:00

America, FUCK YEAH!

2008-11-05T04:16:00.003+01:00

I have never been happier to have been proven wrong! A year ago I couldn't imagine the U.S. electing a black man (or a woman for that matter) as president. But they sure showed me. The stupid vs. smart war was actually won by the good guys, as the world breathes a sigh of relief.

Today I take my hat off to you America. Thank you for taking that giant leap forward and proving that you are not all the ignorant mouth breathers we sometimes perceive you to be.

Here's hoping the chosen one can live up to all our expectations.

Hope and fear

2008-11-05T00:01:00.039+01:00

I've been giving myself an ulcer over these U.S. elections so why not waste another night of sleep and sobriety, live blogging as the results start pouring in. I'll be going old skool (without the streaking for a change) so don't expect any fancy schmancy Twitter action. Just refresh the page from time to time if you're interested in a live feed of my mental decline.

Midnight for me - 6 pm EST. The first polls are closing. Opens beer nr. 1, clenches buttocks...

0.30 for me - 6.30 pm EST. I can't make up my mind on the channel I'm goin to watch this thing on. Somehow the Dutch commentary really rubs me the wrong way, even though they have some pretty smart and cool people at the table. CNN keep showing that horrible Colombian dude. Congratulations on your citizenship but please get the hell off my screen! Where in the name of all that is holy is my Anderson Cooper? I guess it's going to be the BBC. Opening beer nr. 2...

01.00 for me - 7 pm EST. Oh it's on now! I'm back at CNN because Anderson Cooper showed up (and because there was some confusion on the word 'count' on BBC, the Americans on the panel kept hearing it as 'cunt', which didn't do the discussion much good).

01.15 for me - 7.15 pm EST. The first numbers are looking WAY too close for comfort. I was promised a landslide victory goddamnit!

01.45 for me - 7.45 pm EST. I'm momentarily loving the BBC (during the CNN commercial break), they are saying McCain still wishes he'd chosen Liebermann as his running mate, and are being wonderfully smug and British about it. (You'll just have to imagine the dry condescending laughter.)

02.15 for me - 8.15 pm EST. Apparently two people called "Sununu" and "Shaheen" are also battling it out against eachother in the senatorial elections for New Hampshire. Am I a total dumbass for thinking they sound like 'Lion King' characters?

02.45 for me - 8.45 pm EST. I am digging the CNN predictions of Obama's win in Pennsylvania in a big-ass way and am suddenly not that tired anymore. Go Virginia! Maybe I'll get some sleep tonight after all...

03.15 for me - 9.15 pm EST. James Carville looks like a cross between football referee Colina and LOTR's Gollem. Also, why is everyone on CNN orange?

03.30 for me - 9.30 pm EST. OMGWTFBBQ! Why do I need to listen to Hank "douchebag extaordinaire" Williams Jr. on CNN? When you cut to McCain headquarters I want to see Republicans crapping their pants, not some hillbilly on a ukulele.

03.35 for me - 9.35 pm EST. Hell yeah! They called Ohio for Obama (no Republican has ever won without Ohio since Lincoln). Maybe I can finally start unclenching...

03.50 for me - 9.50 EST. Man alive, the voting system in the U.S. is weird! Why not just count all the votes and do the math? (before anyone starts screaming at me, I understand that there are a lot of historical and political factors to take into account) But, this time it seems to be working, because it is frighteningly close in the popular vote, but Obama is killing it in the electoral vote (the one that counts).

04.15 for me - 10.15 pm EST. Okay, this thing is pretty much over. I'm happy as a clam, but my alarm is going off in less than three hours, so I'm calling it a night. My confidence in the human race has grown a little tonight. Thanks America!

Belated Halloween cartoon

2008-11-04T14:23:00.003+01:00

Since I'm too late with just about anything anyway (and hopefully after today we won't need to beat these dead horses anymore)...

Pajunta

2008-11-04T00:07:00.003+01:00

I'm way too late to jump on the Pajiba feminista bandwagon, unfortunately (http://www.pajiba.com/is-godtopus-dead.htm go take a look, it's glorious). But when have I ever been known to let tardiness stop me? Therefore I present to you one of the smartest and most lovely ladies the music bizz has on offer. Here's Neneh Cherry with the unconquerable "Woman".

From Bob's mouth...

2008-11-03T18:14:00.005+01:00

The Times They Are A-Changin'

Come gather 'round people, wherever you roam. And admit that the waters around you have grown. And accept it that soon you'll be drenched to the bone. If your time to you is worth savin'. Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone. For the times they are a-changin'.

Come writers and critics who prophesize with your pen. And keep your eyes wide the chance won't come again. And don't speak too soon for the wheel's still in spin. And there's no tellin' who that it's namin'. For the loser now will be later to win. For the times they are a-changin'.

Come senators, congressmen please heed the call. Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall. For he that gets hurt will be he who has stalled. There's a battle outside and it is ragin'. It'll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls. For the times they are a-changin'.

Come mothers and fathers throughout the land. And don't criticize what you can't understand. Your sons and your daughters are beyond your command. Your old road is rapidly agin'. Please get out of the new one, if you can't lend your hand. For the times they are a-changin'.

The line it is drawn. The curse it is cast. The slow one now, will later be fast. As the present now, will later be past. The order is rapidly fadin'. And the first one now, will later be last. For the times they are a-changin'.

Robert Allen Zimmerman, 1963

A voice of reason

2008-11-03T15:20:00.008+01:00

Over the last few months we've all been eating, sleeping and (for me literally) dreaming the American elections. Many have spoken up in defense of their candidates, and in attack of their opponents. Some of the attacks were just, many weren't. For a while we were all combatants, but tomorrow we will turn into winners or losers. I really hope Obama can make it happen, because for once I feel there is more to choose than just the lesser of two evils. We can actually choose hope. No low blows, no innuendo, just common sense and a strong will to make a difference. I genuinely respect those who take that high road (I'm often tempted to follow a much easier and darker path), like my friend, who sent me this email. He is one of the people who are able to rise above the moral cesspool that is modern politics, don't buy into the bullshit propaganda (even when it's thrown at them by family members) and build their case on truth and arguments.

My friend: I saw this live on CNN earlier today and
wanted to share:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_K8SvhItZgObama's Closing Argument In Canton Ohio (Final Few Minutes).

His uncle's response:October 27, 2008 ReplyOBAMA RANT: A voice crying in the wilderness. He is a charismatic demagog and empty suit at best. I can understand why so many of you have been duped by him though. The double standard of our once free press is historic as they have ignored asking any questions of substance and crucified any opposition. Ask Hilary about that! Your going to get Hussein, but you are going to pay dearly for him. A little hint.... he believes the constitution is the fundamental flaw of our nation. There was a guy in 1936 who came to power the same way, believed the same things and spoke the same charismatic way. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqHlc2C895c&NR=1 In this 30 second clip, listen as Barak Obama tells and interviewer that the US COnstitution is the "fundamental flaw" of our nation!

My friend's response: Uncle D, I am not sure if the above post was copied and pasted or if they are your words. So the following is not to flame you but a response to the words written and the link, as I saw them at the time I read it. First, it is correct to say that Obama is charismatic, but to claim I have been duped by the media is more than maddening. After 29 years of life, travel, a world class education and surrounding myself by people of good character, I can tell when the media shows a bias. That is why I listen to CNN, NBC, FOX News, factcheck.org, Sean Hannity, Public Radio, Gordon Liddy, Laura Ingraham, Ed Schultz, Randi Rhodes, etc. My views are mine and made with many points of view considered. Secondly, to say "Your going to get Hussein..." is a blatant attempt to scare off ignorants in America who fear different people/cultures including Muslims. I could care less what religion our president believes in as long as he puts Americans first. People don't call me Steven and McCain isn't referred to as Sidney, yet there seems to be those on the extreme right referring to Obama as Hussein, hmm? Third, Obama is talking about the Civil Rights movement when he made the comment. I hope you agree changes needed to be made in the U.S. and I hope you agree the founding fathers and the U.S. government were responsible for 200 plus years of racism. It is a shame it took that long. Obama is not saying the entire constitution is flawed…he’s saying it has allowed racism to exist because the courts needed to use the Constitution to make their decision (Earlier today, I had listened to the entire audio segment, not just this 30 second clip). The idea of “spreading the wealth” wouldn’t be necessary if it weren’t for our white ancestors (and government) holding people back from succeeding. If making one race sit at the back of the bus, use different drinking fountains, refuse to hire a man or woman because of the color of his/her skin, and pass laws that allowed this to happen isn’t holding someone back then I don’t know what is. Fourth, to even compare Obama to Hitler... For goodness sake, after WWI, Germany was screwed. No other way around it. They lost the war, the Treaty of Versailles made them take full responsibility and thus pay reparations to the Allies, and they lost their infrastructure. When economic struggles hit Europe in the 1930's, a broken German people looked to, yes, a charismatic leader in Adolf Hitler. The whole world knows what happened next. And it's been in my lifetime, decades after WWII, that Germany is finally seeing prosperity as it moves past WWII and the Cold War. Obama is NO Hitler, nor will Americans of today allow this kind of thought to be tolerated. Lastly, yes, I have progressive, liberal social views. Also, like so many people, I believe that we don't need to be bogged down by government bureaucracy. Sometimes that means I support a Republican (IN Governor- Mitch Daniels 08). But in 2008, for my peace of mind, I will take a highly educated, civil minded, family man with great charisma and ability to inspire the American people (A feat not to be underestimated with our diverse culture) over a ticket and a party, clearly under pressure, and will soon be reeling back to redefine themselves. When they reemerge, I will gladly listen.
I implore you, vote smart, vote Obama!

Drain Bamage

2008-11-01T16:59:00.004+01:00

"Insert lame apology about lack of new posts here"

I've been so freaking tired lately. I can't sleep, and when I do I have these weird-ass dreams. There was one where I was at some boarding school for girls, which was apparently run by John McCain. Just before I woke up, I was explaining to him why I do believe in heavy government involvement and that he should cut the "socialism" crap the hell out. At some point there were Indians and maybe musical instruments, anyway, WEIRD! Just thought I'd share...

Before I forget here are The Kooks, who are great, their music always makes me smile, with "I want you back".

A forest

2008-10-28T21:14:00.018+01:00

This is not a photography blog! However, after spending the day in a beautiful autumn forest and a spa, I'm just too damn relaxed to come up with the appropriate amount of venom. So I'm going to take the easy way out and put up some pictures, paying the soothing images forward (actually I needed to look at these again, since I saw WAY too much wrinkly old flesh at the spa today).

Enjoy! If you need me, I'll be on the couch with a nice glass of Pinot Gris and Dr. House.

All hail the Queen

2008-10-27T22:12:00.005+01:00

This band will forever be special to me because I grew up listening to their music. Saturday mornings I would literally vibrate out of my bed, as my dad would crank up the speakers and start the weekend with us dancing around the living room, playing air guitar with random objects, or playing the drums on pots and pans. "Made in Heaven" was the last studio album featuring the legendary Freddie Mercury, and I've always loved the video for "You don't fool me".

And because I am a sucker for bombastic musical displays, here's showman Mercury once again, this time with the lovely Montserrat Caballé in a powerful performance of "Barcelona".

Choosy beggars

2008-10-27T16:41:00.011+01:00

As winter is fast approaching, temperatures drop, new relationships flourish and homeless people flock to the cities, in search of wealth and warmth. My beloved home town of Utrecht is no exception. The crazies are multiplying daily and as I watch their numbers increase, I find my "no thank you"s becoming more abrupt. I'm not trying to be a complete cold hearted bitch about this, but being homeless in the Netherlands is pretty much a choice.

The Dutch government has become increasingly xenophobic in their immigration policy in recent years, and have no problem locking underaged asylum seekers in prison. But when our own citizens are concerned they're very forgiving, and for the less fortunate there are many safety nets in place. The Dutch vagabond is therefore a special breed. They are either radical anarchists who find the concept of housing a petty-bourgeois expression of decadence, or incurable heroin addicts, but the vast majority consists of mental patients who refuse to be medicated. This makes for some pretty entertaining hobo encounters. There was the guy who smashed a hole in his mini keg and threatened to spray everyone at the bus stop with beer. I came to the aid of a rather immobile old lady sitting there, and ended up being chased for five blocks. And for as long as I can remember there has been one very loud tramp in the Eindhoven city centre, holding up signs with erratic slogans and screaming at the top of his lungs "Men lie, because women believe lies!".

Just a few weeks ago I was walking to my local supermarket, when I was cornered by a very creepy looking toothless creature, who demanded to know why I dared to walk there dressed like that (I live in the Utrecht red light district, which is just a tiny old street with prostitutes behind the windows on both sides). I was slightly offended by that question, since I did not find my skirt and boots particularly whorish looking, but I answered him with a "Why wouldn't I?" and a disgruntled stare, when his face suddenly cleared up and he belted "Wow, you must really have a sense of self-esteem, good for you!".

But my most formative Dutch hobo encounter happened almost nine years ago. I was fresh out of high school when I arrived early that morning at the Tilburg train station. Not being very punctual, I had missed breakfast and bought a nice cheese baguette before hopping on the bus. On my way there however, I spotted a homeless man eating out of a garbage bin. Bright eyed and overflowing with good intentions I walked up to him, offering him my sandwich. He looked in the bag, grunted, and handed it back to me, saying "I don't like cheese". After which he proceeded to stuff his face with cold mouldy fries from the bin.

"When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane."

Hermann Hesse (1877 - 1962)

Thick as lard

2008-10-25T17:43:00.009+02:00

I hate how I can't even laugh at this stuff anymore because it simply is too damn scary. I wish people like this would just forget how to breathe!

http://www.deusexmalcontent.com/2008/10/insult-to-injury.html